I can say with great faith that
I will not miss 2011.
There were some amazing things, but
A LOT of painful things and annoying
Instances that zapped me of my faith,
Hope and dreams and yet there were
Others times and instances that
More than completely replaced them.
I do hope and pray that 2012 is
Better in so many ways!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Friday, December 30, 2011
On the 21st...
What were we thinking?
Why did we even believe that
Being alone was even a good idea
Even for a sneeze?
Why did we even believe that
Being alone was even a good idea
Even for a sneeze?
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Forty Times
Forty times she lifts her head to
See what she can see and what she
Sees right in front of her is a
Cake ablaze with forty mini torches.
There's no one there to assist in
The extinguishing and it seems to be
Fine for now 'cause once the flames are
Doused with a shout of, "It's over!"
She runs out the door of her mental prison...
Straight for the tequila her hands go to
Embrace another night making out with its
Glass mouth - sucking its face and swilling down
Its warm, wormy libation - she notices her
Permanent frown etched in the
Reflection on the side of the
Label-less bottle, peels it for jest
Since there's nothing there and no one to
Impress with her stories of being a
Pro chugger of alcohol and blows out
The candles with all that's left of her breathing.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Angela's Ashes
Her sashes sashay around her as
She goes floating through the
Choreography of her life...
There is one yes and many "no's"
Along the way in her story.
She builds with abandon but often
Looks back at the empire she built
With regrets - then she begins her
Tirade to remove all that's turned gray
In her quest to tell love she's okay...
Okay without it and its many allusions to
What is and could have been - she
Refuses the bruises that land on her
Shins from the beating she takes upon
Falling down in a heap so as not to
Make a peep while praying once again
For deliverance - set free to allay any
Fears kept at bay that tried to run ashore
On her heart told "no" one more day in
This game she plays without rules...
With her heart set ablaze, she doesn't seem
Phased that she will find herself in an
Urn from this pain.
She goes floating through the
Choreography of her life...
There is one yes and many "no's"
Along the way in her story.
She builds with abandon but often
Looks back at the empire she built
With regrets - then she begins her
Tirade to remove all that's turned gray
In her quest to tell love she's okay...
Okay without it and its many allusions to
What is and could have been - she
Refuses the bruises that land on her
Shins from the beating she takes upon
Falling down in a heap so as not to
Make a peep while praying once again
For deliverance - set free to allay any
Fears kept at bay that tried to run ashore
On her heart told "no" one more day in
This game she plays without rules...
With her heart set ablaze, she doesn't seem
Phased that she will find herself in an
Urn from this pain.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Don't know what I know...
As if I didn't know
I didn't know... I knew
You wouldn't know either.
We declared and shared -
Declaimed and hopefully did
Not maim each others' hearts
In the process of falling in
Love with each others' beings -
Essences - and the sizzle started to
Fizzle in the kisses on the lipsziz and
Ears from fears of hearing the
Stopping of the beating of the chambers that
Push that life flowing, hot, color of Valentines
Liquid into all the areas where it shouldn't
Go quite right yet - exhale pale in
Comparison to the feelings that began -
Begin every time I see that smile -
It quivers, it questions, it doubts - yet
It hopes, and tries not to hurt the receiver
Who stares in disbelief at it thinking,
"Boy am I lucky! Do I deserve this?
Will this last?
Is this falling in the right place, at
The right time...
Called love?"
I know I don't know, but I thought
I knew a few weeks back and now
I don't know and I don't expect much
Better from you.
I didn't know... I knew
You wouldn't know either.
We declared and shared -
Declaimed and hopefully did
Not maim each others' hearts
In the process of falling in
Love with each others' beings -
Essences - and the sizzle started to
Fizzle in the kisses on the lipsziz and
Ears from fears of hearing the
Stopping of the beating of the chambers that
Push that life flowing, hot, color of Valentines
Liquid into all the areas where it shouldn't
Go quite right yet - exhale pale in
Comparison to the feelings that began -
Begin every time I see that smile -
It quivers, it questions, it doubts - yet
It hopes, and tries not to hurt the receiver
Who stares in disbelief at it thinking,
"Boy am I lucky! Do I deserve this?
Will this last?
Is this falling in the right place, at
The right time...
Called love?"
I know I don't know, but I thought
I knew a few weeks back and now
I don't know and I don't expect much
Better from you.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Boxing Day, December 26th, 2011
Put on your gloves and
Put up your dukes...
It's time to give back to
Those who have flukes
In their lives often unfortunate ones
That zap them of time and
Heart and love.
Fill that box with as much as you can.
Be like the widow who gave
All that she had... if you can't
Than don't even try to defend
The blows that may come to
Your psyche, my friend.
Put up your dukes...
It's time to give back to
Those who have flukes
In their lives often unfortunate ones
That zap them of time and
Heart and love.
Fill that box with as much as you can.
Be like the widow who gave
All that she had... if you can't
Than don't even try to defend
The blows that may come to
Your psyche, my friend.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
December 25th, 2011
CHRISTMAS DAY! The 12th day -
My true love gave to me
12 pecks under the mistletoe
AND
Twelve drummers drumming (to go with our pipers piping!)
My true love gave to me
12 pecks under the mistletoe
AND
Twelve drummers drumming (to go with our pipers piping!)
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves, and a
Partridge in a pear tree.
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves, and a
Partridge in a pear tree.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
December 24th, 2011
On Christmas Eve, the 11th day,
My true love gave to me an
Eleven minute gaze and eleven
Amazing compliments about us!
AND
Eleven pipers piping, (personal musicians are really cool!)
My true love gave to me an
Eleven minute gaze and eleven
Amazing compliments about us!
AND
Eleven pipers piping, (personal musicians are really cool!)
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves, and a
Partridge in a pear tree.
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves, and a
Partridge in a pear tree.
Friday, December 23, 2011
December 23rd, 2011
On the 10th day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Ten dollars for a movie (so we could see WAR HORSE),
AND really,
Ten lords a-leaping (another example of a possible work out,
Even though this list is mostly of poultry and
Clearly a high protein/low carb diet!)
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves, and a
Partridge in a pear tree.
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves, and a
Partridge in a pear tree.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
December 22nd, 2011
On the 9th day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
9 pairs of socks to
Cover my extra cold feet!
And...
Nine ladies dancing, (we wanted to take a dance class),
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves, and a
Partridge in a pear tree.
My true love gave to me
9 pairs of socks to
Cover my extra cold feet!
And...
Nine ladies dancing, (we wanted to take a dance class),
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves, and a
Partridge in a pear tree.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
December 21st, 2011
On the 8th day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
8 peppermint candy canes to
Make sure my breath wasn't reeking!
AND:
Eight maids a-milking (not sure why),
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves, and a
Partridge in a pear tree.
My true love gave to me
8 peppermint candy canes to
Make sure my breath wasn't reeking!
AND:
Eight maids a-milking (not sure why),
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves, and a
Partridge in a pear tree.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
December 20th, 2011
On the 7th day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Seven layer dip - mmm, so good!
And the antacids... AND
Seven swans a-swimming, (to swim with on my new diet plan)
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves, and a
Partridge and a pear tree.
My true love gave to me
Seven layer dip - mmm, so good!
And the antacids... AND
Seven swans a-swimming, (to swim with on my new diet plan)
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves, and a
Partridge and a pear tree.
December 19th, 2011
On the 6th day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
A lot of pasta and bread which
Caused a food coma! THEN...
Six geese a-laying, (so I can go on a no carb diet),
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves and a
Partridge in a pear tree.
My true love gave to me
A lot of pasta and bread which
Caused a food coma! THEN...
Six geese a-laying, (so I can go on a no carb diet),
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves and a
Partridge in a pear tree.
December 18th, 2011
On the 5th day of Christmas
My true love gave to me:
Antacids 'cause his love
Is driving me crazy!
But really he gave to me:
FIVE GOLDEN RINGS!
(One was not an engagement ring...
Well, not yet!)
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves and a
Partridge in a pear tree.
My true love gave to me:
Antacids 'cause his love
Is driving me crazy!
But really he gave to me:
FIVE GOLDEN RINGS!
(One was not an engagement ring...
Well, not yet!)
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves and a
Partridge in a pear tree.
December 17th, 2011
On the 4th day of Christmas
My true love gave to me:
His heart, his mind, his love,
His honesty - but the song goes:
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves and a
Partridge in a pear tree.
My true love gave to me:
His heart, his mind, his love,
His honesty - but the song goes:
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves and a
Partridge in a pear tree.
December 16th, 2011
This is the 3rd day of Christmas
My true love gave me his heart, BUT
As the song goes he gave me:
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves, and a
Partridge in a pear tree!
My true love gave me his heart, BUT
As the song goes he gave me:
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves, and a
Partridge in a pear tree!
December 15th, 2011
This is actually the 2nd day of Christmas
I seem to have added incorrectly!
On the second of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Two turtle doves and
A partridge and a pear tree!
I seem to have added incorrectly!
On the second of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Two turtle doves and
A partridge and a pear tree!
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
December 14th, 2011
The second day of Christmas
My true love gave to me:
"Two turtle doves..." AND
"A partridge and a pear tree!"
ELEVEN days away!!
YAY!
My true love gave to me:
"Two turtle doves..." AND
"A partridge and a pear tree!"
ELEVEN days away!!
YAY!
December 13th, 2011
THIS is the first day of Christmas
Because in exactly 12 days he'll
Be here! BUT right now the cheer
Comes through "a partridge in a
Pear tree!"
Because in exactly 12 days he'll
Be here! BUT right now the cheer
Comes through "a partridge in a
Pear tree!"
December 12th, 2011
13 days and counting and nothing
UNLUCKY about that!
Mistletoe and magic and a
Little holly too will get us to
Singing "Deck the Halls" and
Watching Mr. Magoo!
UNLUCKY about that!
Mistletoe and magic and a
Little holly too will get us to
Singing "Deck the Halls" and
Watching Mr. Magoo!
December 11th, 2011
December the month of freezing wonders
I wonder what will be under the tree in
14 days!! Some love and hugs from me to
You - so don't be blue they're cyber too!
I wonder what will be under the tree in
14 days!! Some love and hugs from me to
You - so don't be blue they're cyber too!
December 10th, 2011
15 days till wonderment and
Hopefully some snow, not too much
Or else Santa won't know where to go!
Hopefully some snow, not too much
Or else Santa won't know where to go!
December 9th, 2011
16 days till Christmas and
What will we have?
A bunch of hoopla and
Shoopdidoo and ladida!
What will we have?
A bunch of hoopla and
Shoopdidoo and ladida!
December 5th, 2011
OH my gosh!
20 days before
Santa shows his face...
Well he has all year.
Now he's gonna
Shove himself down the
Flu-less gas chimney at
My new amazing apartment!
20 days before
Santa shows his face...
Well he has all year.
Now he's gonna
Shove himself down the
Flu-less gas chimney at
My new amazing apartment!
Sunday, December 4, 2011
December 4th, 2011
It's only 21 days away and
The sleigh bells are ringing
In my heart and my mind
Jangling my feelings...
What do I get for the one
I love... I've already given him
My heart and we fit like gloves.
He's perfect for me and I can't
Even believe it that this love is
Mine and we didn't push or shove to
Make it happen... now doves
Fly over to declare such a sight
When we hold hands and kiss
It's a glorious night!
The sleigh bells are ringing
In my heart and my mind
Jangling my feelings...
What do I get for the one
I love... I've already given him
My heart and we fit like gloves.
He's perfect for me and I can't
Even believe it that this love is
Mine and we didn't push or shove to
Make it happen... now doves
Fly over to declare such a sight
When we hold hands and kiss
It's a glorious night!
Will You Be Mine?
It's NOT even Valentine's and yet it's
Close enough for LOVE to be in the
Air and in my ear... whispered and
Shouted from my weak knees to
My quivering heart...
Yes, I will be yours... it's frightening,
But true I LOVE YOU and
You love me too!
It is quite new and I don't want it to
End... whatever happens we will be
Friends till the end!
Close enough for LOVE to be in the
Air and in my ear... whispered and
Shouted from my weak knees to
My quivering heart...
Yes, I will be yours... it's frightening,
But true I LOVE YOU and
You love me too!
It is quite new and I don't want it to
End... whatever happens we will be
Friends till the end!
December 2nd, 2011
It's the 2nd day of the month of
Wonders... WOW!
Christmas is on it's way!
JINGLE BELLS are on that
Sleigh!
Ringalingaling!
Wonders... WOW!
Christmas is on it's way!
JINGLE BELLS are on that
Sleigh!
Ringalingaling!
December 1st, 2011
Where did it go?
All the time?
I can't believe it's
Almost the end...
The beginning of the end
I suppose... of the
Year!
All the time?
I can't believe it's
Almost the end...
The beginning of the end
I suppose... of the
Year!
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
November 30th, 2011
What do I do?
I don't have any ideas...
I wanna keep this
Flow going, but
Gotta go and flow
Somewheres else!
I don't have any ideas...
I wanna keep this
Flow going, but
Gotta go and flow
Somewheres else!
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
November 28th, 2011
2nd nephew's birthday
3 years and a day after his
Big brother -
BOY do I miss them!
3 years and a day after his
Big brother -
BOY do I miss them!
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Saturday, November 26, 2011
November 26th, 2011
16 years later and
Still hanging on
By a thread perhaps
But hanging on
Just the same...
God what am I
To do?
Friday, November 25, 2011
November 25th, 2011
Black Friday!
Black from the rigormortis of
Death that has set in from
Ingesting too much!
Black from the rigormortis of
Death that has set in from
Ingesting too much!
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
November 22nd, 2011
AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!
2 more days till being
Stuffed like the turkey
We are going to tear up!
2 more days till being
Stuffed like the turkey
We are going to tear up!
Monday, November 21, 2011
November 21st, 2011
Time is marching on so quickly!
I am panicking feeling unable to
Keep up or keep pace!
I am panicking feeling unable to
Keep up or keep pace!
Sunday, November 20, 2011
November 20th, 2011
4 more days until the gorging of
The stuffed turkey who didn't get
To gorge on anything itself.
The stuffed turkey who didn't get
To gorge on anything itself.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
November 18th, 2011
6 days away from spending time
Thankfully with those who
Will be thankful I am in their lives...
I am thankful to be able to serve them
God willingly... so they, too, will be
Thankful to be served.
Thankfully with those who
Will be thankful I am in their lives...
I am thankful to be able to serve them
God willingly... so they, too, will be
Thankful to be served.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
November 17th, 2011
Why hello other favorite number...
The memory of that number age
Is crushing me... if only... always
Awful words to utter... I could
Turn back the hands that shaped
My mind - my own, now calloused,
Cracked, rough - I would and forge
Through a different path... my
Negativity only believes the worst
Would result and the end result
Would be where I am now...
Struggling with sadness at the
Mess I made of my life with
My own hands - hands that are so
Gentle and kind to many of God's
Creatures and creations except the
Ones they are attached to...
The memory of that number age
Is crushing me... if only... always
Awful words to utter... I could
Turn back the hands that shaped
My mind - my own, now calloused,
Cracked, rough - I would and forge
Through a different path... my
Negativity only believes the worst
Would result and the end result
Would be where I am now...
Struggling with sadness at the
Mess I made of my life with
My own hands - hands that are so
Gentle and kind to many of God's
Creatures and creations except the
Ones they are attached to...
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Why Is It?
Why is it that even at my age
I still feel every bit as insecure and
Uncool as I did when I was 12?
I have, or so I thought, amazing ideas
But they dissipate like the precipitation
On my top lip as I break a sweat trying to
Formulate some clever retort to my
Increasing insecurity regarding
Every area of my life... This happens,
It seems, after great successes have occurred
In my life - it's almost like my life does
Not know how to process something
Positive happening - so it tries to find ways to
Sabotage all the other incredible things
That are trying to wriggle their way in to
The corners of my mouth in order to
Create a smile which burns a hole like a laser
Through the ugliness that is trying to suffocate
Any happiness out of me.
I still feel every bit as insecure and
Uncool as I did when I was 12?
I have, or so I thought, amazing ideas
But they dissipate like the precipitation
On my top lip as I break a sweat trying to
Formulate some clever retort to my
Increasing insecurity regarding
Every area of my life... This happens,
It seems, after great successes have occurred
In my life - it's almost like my life does
Not know how to process something
Positive happening - so it tries to find ways to
Sabotage all the other incredible things
That are trying to wriggle their way in to
The corners of my mouth in order to
Create a smile which burns a hole like a laser
Through the ugliness that is trying to suffocate
Any happiness out of me.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
Thursday, November 10, 2011
November 10th, 2011
Another birthday... I could be WRONG
About the other date... that's a good thing though!
About the other date... that's a good thing though!
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
Indelible
So many birthdays that crushed me
His namesake day too... it's on the
Calendar of my heart and mind and
A body of memories long since gone
In a trash heap behind the clinic
Down the street from my house
Where I could have runaway from and
To not to have had these memories
Filed on the hard drive of my mind,
Body and soul feeling condemned
Because of the choices that this date
Represents in Mexico and my life...
What seems like forever and incapable of
Being expunged from my being having
Been tattooed across all the surfaces of
My body - constant reminders in and
On my face when I look in the mirror and
On the inside of my eyelids when I
Close my eyes - Indelible -
These marks that love made.
His namesake day too... it's on the
Calendar of my heart and mind and
A body of memories long since gone
In a trash heap behind the clinic
Down the street from my house
Where I could have runaway from and
To not to have had these memories
Filed on the hard drive of my mind,
Body and soul feeling condemned
Because of the choices that this date
Represents in Mexico and my life...
What seems like forever and incapable of
Being expunged from my being having
Been tattooed across all the surfaces of
My body - constant reminders in and
On my face when I look in the mirror and
On the inside of my eyelids when I
Close my eyes - Indelible -
These marks that love made.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Saturday, November 5, 2011
November 5th, 2011
And another one bites the dust...
And another down and another
One, two, three, four
Fifth one for this month
And another down and another
One, two, three, four
Fifth one for this month
Friday, November 4, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Puppy Love
He's kind of adorable and
Really gross in his ways
Licking himself all day
But ridiculously cute on
His back - feet curled like
A gay man's wrists - all
Four feet - looking like a
Fox - those puppy dog
Eyes make me late for work
Everyday since we've had him!
He's good with all sizes and
Cries to be with someone too -
Me, you, anyone will do!
Only makes a fuss when he's
Excited or taking down his
Favorite blue-plaid slipper or
The inners of toilet paper roll -
He's useless for defending us
Cuz he's too cute for his own good...
If we were to be robbed, I think the
Burglars would stop and abscond
Away with him - this pee and poop
Machine, who cuddles, whines, and
Demands food, walks, treats and
Attention at all hours of the day has
Stolen everyones' hearts that comes
In contact with him - God knew that
Most folks would be powerless in his
Presence... we are whipped by the
Puppy of loveableness! GROSS!
Really gross in his ways
Licking himself all day
But ridiculously cute on
His back - feet curled like
A gay man's wrists - all
Four feet - looking like a
Fox - those puppy dog
Eyes make me late for work
Everyday since we've had him!
He's good with all sizes and
Cries to be with someone too -
Me, you, anyone will do!
Only makes a fuss when he's
Excited or taking down his
Favorite blue-plaid slipper or
The inners of toilet paper roll -
He's useless for defending us
Cuz he's too cute for his own good...
If we were to be robbed, I think the
Burglars would stop and abscond
Away with him - this pee and poop
Machine, who cuddles, whines, and
Demands food, walks, treats and
Attention at all hours of the day has
Stolen everyones' hearts that comes
In contact with him - God knew that
Most folks would be powerless in his
Presence... we are whipped by the
Puppy of loveableness! GROSS!
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Posey's Day
This was his day -
I loved him so
So I showed him in
Not so many clothes
Under the influence of
A wriggly worm at the
Bottom of a bottle
I swigged off in a
Pint glass being a
Pint-sized lover to his
Massive height
Straight to the head and
His bed to his car
Where the scars took
Me home without
Words - embarrassed
Embarrassing that I waited
So long to love him to
Not be loved but used like the
Cap screwed onto the bottle
I wish I could have drowned in
Oh so long ago naively.
I loved him so
So I showed him in
Not so many clothes
Under the influence of
A wriggly worm at the
Bottom of a bottle
I swigged off in a
Pint glass being a
Pint-sized lover to his
Massive height
Straight to the head and
His bed to his car
Where the scars took
Me home without
Words - embarrassed
Embarrassing that I waited
So long to love him to
Not be loved but used like the
Cap screwed onto the bottle
I wish I could have drowned in
Oh so long ago naively.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
November 1st, 2011
The first day of a new month.
Why do you careen so out of control
End of the year?
I fear I will be stuck here in my
Mind as it Martha's its way around
Town noticing what needs to be
Done and doing it without thinking of
What's best... sitting at the feet of
Jesus drinking in His splendor with
Splenda and cream - not too hot,
Not too cold, just right minus
The worry.
Why do you careen so out of control
End of the year?
I fear I will be stuck here in my
Mind as it Martha's its way around
Town noticing what needs to be
Done and doing it without thinking of
What's best... sitting at the feet of
Jesus drinking in His splendor with
Splenda and cream - not too hot,
Not too cold, just right minus
The worry.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Mummy's Favorite Day
I can't believe that this is
My mother's most beloved
Holiday - I don't know her
Like I don't know who is
Beneath the masks that come
Pounding at my door demanding a
"Trick or Treat!"
Is this a trick not knowing who
Birthed me and helped me
Unbirth a potential birth that
Would have secured the family
Bloodline?
Or is it a treat to have a slow
Unveiling of the multiple masks
This woman has worn for as long as
I have known her? She keeps changing
Masks like the changing of the guard...
It's quite scary like the shadows cast
On the alley of memory lane forgetting
Most of the fact that I loved her so much
At one time and now I'm much less
Loving of the sugar and spice and
Everything nice she dispenses at the
Door when I come knocking not
Declaring, "Trick or Treat!" NOR even
Demanding it - passive-aggressively
Awaiting a change in my own being -
A change of costume or scenery -
The scenery has changed - the costume is
Hermetically sealed in some areas
Mostly around the heart.
My mother's most beloved
Holiday - I don't know her
Like I don't know who is
Beneath the masks that come
Pounding at my door demanding a
"Trick or Treat!"
Is this a trick not knowing who
Birthed me and helped me
Unbirth a potential birth that
Would have secured the family
Bloodline?
Or is it a treat to have a slow
Unveiling of the multiple masks
This woman has worn for as long as
I have known her? She keeps changing
Masks like the changing of the guard...
It's quite scary like the shadows cast
On the alley of memory lane forgetting
Most of the fact that I loved her so much
At one time and now I'm much less
Loving of the sugar and spice and
Everything nice she dispenses at the
Door when I come knocking not
Declaring, "Trick or Treat!" NOR even
Demanding it - passive-aggressively
Awaiting a change in my own being -
A change of costume or scenery -
The scenery has changed - the costume is
Hermetically sealed in some areas
Mostly around the heart.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Hallow Eve Eve
Oh Halloween Eve! You're just as
Great as the day itself because of the
Taffy apply anticipation.
Great as the day itself because of the
Taffy apply anticipation.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Letters of Rec
CRAP more letters of rec. -
Where does time go but with
The youth I "make a difference" with
Off to college
Where does time go but with
The youth I "make a difference" with
Off to college
Friday, October 28, 2011
Pirouettes
I love this month with all
Its fallness! Crisp air,
Crunchy leafs that twirl as
They fall - like ballerinas
Practicing pirouettes.
Its fallness! Crisp air,
Crunchy leafs that twirl as
They fall - like ballerinas
Practicing pirouettes.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Just REType It
It's Saturday... not Friday...
I messed up yesterday's offering and
That's okay... in the future
I figured out how to fix the past...
Just type it.
I messed up yesterday's offering and
That's okay... in the future
I figured out how to fix the past...
Just type it.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Skipped Out
Accidentally I somehow
Amidst the mess that was my
Anxious and messy life
At this time last year I
Allowed myself to get off track
And make my creativity take
A backseat to the ugly voices
Attacking my psyche and life
Alternately in ways not seen
Around the neighborhood but
Anchored and
Announced to my soul
After the fact... got skipped.
*Written on October 3rd, 2012 for
Friday, October 21st, 2011
Amidst the mess that was my
Anxious and messy life
At this time last year I
Allowed myself to get off track
And make my creativity take
A backseat to the ugly voices
Attacking my psyche and life
Alternately in ways not seen
Around the neighborhood but
Anchored and
Announced to my soul
After the fact... got skipped.
*Written on October 3rd, 2012 for
Friday, October 21st, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Isn't/Wasn't & Thursday TV
I hope this day isn't/wasn't
Full of WOE because my
Toes are still swoll from the
Toll the too small, cute, red
Leather, yellow leather
Italian boots I forced my
Footies into compliance.
Full of WOE because my
Toes are still swoll from the
Toll the too small, cute, red
Leather, yellow leather
Italian boots I forced my
Footies into compliance.
This is my favorite day of the week
And I'm not even sure why! I just
LOVE Thursday... maybe it's the
Good TV that I don't get to watch
Anymore... with my feet reclined.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Clutch's Exit Interview
Tuesday... what will you bring but the
Next day full of woe...
I know it's cuz my clutch broke 3 days ago and
I don't have the cash to scratch together to
Make the scratchy sound of the gears grinding
Out their exit interview without as much as
An invitation or a request for being excused from the
Table - how rude!
Next day full of woe...
I know it's cuz my clutch broke 3 days ago and
I don't have the cash to scratch together to
Make the scratchy sound of the gears grinding
Out their exit interview without as much as
An invitation or a request for being excused from the
Table - how rude!
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Amplified
Monday, I must take this day off to
Recuperate and continue to unpack and
Get it together until later where I go
To be recorded and heard amplified!
Recuperate and continue to unpack and
Get it together until later where I go
To be recorded and heard amplified!
Monday, October 17, 2011
Days of Births
Jen's birthday... she must be having a
Grand ole time across the pond...
Ron's birthday... I spent with him
Even when he didn't want me to know
It was HIS day and he'd say,
"You're on a need to know basis..."
About so many things I came to
Discover under the freezing cold
Waters of Lake Michigan where
Kayla was born again...
Grand ole time across the pond...
Ron's birthday... I spent with him
Even when he didn't want me to know
It was HIS day and he'd say,
"You're on a need to know basis..."
About so many things I came to
Discover under the freezing cold
Waters of Lake Michigan where
Kayla was born again...
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Unpacking
The day after the move in!
OOOOH! Unpacking!
It's a sin to be this
IN to getting out of the
Boxes I will be crawling
Into again when it's time to
"Slough off this earthly shroud..."
OOOOH! Unpacking!
It's a sin to be this
IN to getting out of the
Boxes I will be crawling
Into again when it's time to
"Slough off this earthly shroud..."
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Moving Day!
Away I go into the
Wild blue yonder
Away from a hole on the
South side of
Hellacious at the cross
Streets of
71st and Woodlawn
Artists' Row my
Donkey
Wouldn't subject itself to
The sad sack corner store
Front that souled out to
Kids and junkies
50 yards from where
I no longer
Lay me down to sleep
Where I don't hafta
Pray to keep myself and
My belongings safe
One eye open on the
Front and back of my
Head
Wild blue yonder
Away from a hole on the
South side of
Hellacious at the cross
Streets of
71st and Woodlawn
Artists' Row my
Donkey
Wouldn't subject itself to
The sad sack corner store
Front that souled out to
Kids and junkies
50 yards from where
I no longer
Lay me down to sleep
Where I don't hafta
Pray to keep myself and
My belongings safe
One eye open on the
Front and back of my
Head
Friday, October 14, 2011
Almost Extinguished
Too much happened today to be poetic.
It did eventually end on a good note until,
WELL a friend of mine ended up with
Someone I used to like a lot... she is much
Prettier and thinner than I am and so I figure that's
A HUGE reason why AND she is also extremely
SPIRITUAL... my flame is almost extinguished.
The next weeks worth of poems are set to be
delivered via an automatic "scheduled delivery time"
Because I won't be at a computer or on-line
For quite a while...
It did eventually end on a good note until,
WELL a friend of mine ended up with
Someone I used to like a lot... she is much
Prettier and thinner than I am and so I figure that's
A HUGE reason why AND she is also extremely
SPIRITUAL... my flame is almost extinguished.
The next weeks worth of poems are set to be
delivered via an automatic "scheduled delivery time"
Because I won't be at a computer or on-line
For quite a while...
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Wooden Sleeping Bag
Age cripples because it allows
Gravity to have its way and it
Then pushes and shoves you to
An early grave...
Your bones don't object, nor does
Your flesh - they sag, and they bend
And they break, and they splinter in to
Unrecognizable pieces who welcome a
Final resting place with worms who
Then feast upon what used to support and
Uphold what was - can only be held up
In a box made of timber - lined with
Satin that you'll never enjoy... aching to(o),
Hurting bones that will finally get to sleep in this
Silky wooden sleeping bag sealed tight
For a final good nights rest for eternity.
Gravity to have its way and it
Then pushes and shoves you to
An early grave...
Your bones don't object, nor does
Your flesh - they sag, and they bend
And they break, and they splinter in to
Unrecognizable pieces who welcome a
Final resting place with worms who
Then feast upon what used to support and
Uphold what was - can only be held up
In a box made of timber - lined with
Satin that you'll never enjoy... aching to(o),
Hurting bones that will finally get to sleep in this
Silky wooden sleeping bag sealed tight
For a final good nights rest for eternity.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Philosophical Twilight Zone
Being philosophical seems very
Much like an apostrophe poem.
Hello feelings, we are now going to
Take a journey on a different plane
Where you too will be able to comment
On all you think and feel about what
I think and feel using you to get in touch
With what I feel... if you feel sad, press
1 on the touch tone pad - press 2 on the
Touch tone pad if you feel numb - press
3 if you feel giddy - press 4 if you need
The options repeated - uh, uh, uh - touch
Tone pad buttons you are not allowed to
Weigh in on how you're feeling about
Feeling - so no touchy!!
The "world spirit" knows everything and
Nothing and neither do you. Just breathe and
Relax - as someone once said, "Memento mori."
We all die.
Much like an apostrophe poem.
Hello feelings, we are now going to
Take a journey on a different plane
Where you too will be able to comment
On all you think and feel about what
I think and feel using you to get in touch
With what I feel... if you feel sad, press
1 on the touch tone pad - press 2 on the
Touch tone pad if you feel numb - press
3 if you feel giddy - press 4 if you need
The options repeated - uh, uh, uh - touch
Tone pad buttons you are not allowed to
Weigh in on how you're feeling about
Feeling - so no touchy!!
The "world spirit" knows everything and
Nothing and neither do you. Just breathe and
Relax - as someone once said, "Memento mori."
We all die.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Outside In
Sitting on the curb watching
The feast.
How do I get invited?
I need to eat.
Laughter, embraces, shared
Amongst all that sit at
The table enjoying it all.
Feeling like a dog under foot or
Under the table afraid to get kicked
By the ones who are able to ask
For a serving that is being
Dished out to everyone asking
Even the guy I thought a louse.
Whimpering silently, aching for love
Tail between legs, scooting ever
Closer to the edge to limp to the door to
Scratch on it for entrance... please,
May I join you? I'm really famished.
I have been watching the fun that
You all have been having... met with
A split second of silence then bludgeoned
With, "OF COURSES!! COME IN!
THERE'S MORE WHERE THAT
CAME FROM!"
Full from gratitude and grateful to boot,
The walk was the longest because of
The commute from outside to in in a
Matter of welcoming hoots.
The feast.
How do I get invited?
I need to eat.
Laughter, embraces, shared
Amongst all that sit at
The table enjoying it all.
Feeling like a dog under foot or
Under the table afraid to get kicked
By the ones who are able to ask
For a serving that is being
Dished out to everyone asking
Even the guy I thought a louse.
Whimpering silently, aching for love
Tail between legs, scooting ever
Closer to the edge to limp to the door to
Scratch on it for entrance... please,
May I join you? I'm really famished.
I have been watching the fun that
You all have been having... met with
A split second of silence then bludgeoned
With, "OF COURSES!! COME IN!
THERE'S MORE WHERE THAT
CAME FROM!"
Full from gratitude and grateful to boot,
The walk was the longest because of
The commute from outside to in in a
Matter of welcoming hoots.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Nature's Parchment
They fall in gentle spiral curls and
Are lovingly caught in the dark arms of
Asphalt - also by curbs, grass, windshields,
Summer wicker furniture - the wind gets
Envious and blows them this way and that -
Trippingly twinkling across these surfaces,
They land at a destination definitely not
Their final one - and crunch beneath feet
That can't wait to hear them cry, crackle!
Especially after being piled high and jumped in.
Are lovingly caught in the dark arms of
Asphalt - also by curbs, grass, windshields,
Summer wicker furniture - the wind gets
Envious and blows them this way and that -
Trippingly twinkling across these surfaces,
They land at a destination definitely not
Their final one - and crunch beneath feet
That can't wait to hear them cry, crackle!
Especially after being piled high and jumped in.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Itching
AAAAAHHHHHHH!!
I need to be still.
I can't get used to it.
I don't know how to
Trust and wait.
I often attack and withdraw
After I've been too aggressive.
Sometimes that's needed.
Most times it's not.
Who am I letting down not
Doing something?
I haven't anyone to provide for -
So I feel the need to provide for
Everyone I empathize with and
Lose myself in order to lose the
Feeling of incompleteness in
Not having a significant other or
Children I have birthed -
I raise children, other people's, and
Friends who need nurturing -
I need some too, but I don't know
How to be still, be patient and receive it...
Because it itches like an allergic reaction.
I need to be still.
I can't get used to it.
I don't know how to
Trust and wait.
I often attack and withdraw
After I've been too aggressive.
Sometimes that's needed.
Most times it's not.
Who am I letting down not
Doing something?
I haven't anyone to provide for -
So I feel the need to provide for
Everyone I empathize with and
Lose myself in order to lose the
Feeling of incompleteness in
Not having a significant other or
Children I have birthed -
I raise children, other people's, and
Friends who need nurturing -
I need some too, but I don't know
How to be still, be patient and receive it...
Because it itches like an allergic reaction.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Gracefully
The sound of a wind chime is
Seen in gracefully falling leaves
As they fall to their final resting place
Before being blown skitteringly
Along the street south and west
Sounding like a crackling fire that is
Being alluded to by their journey to
Their graves in gutters to be trampled on,
Scooped up, thrown, crunched under
Boots that have come out of hibernation
Every year around the same time as
A sweet smelling reminder of rejuvenation
Through the final attempt at
Reassurance in the bursting colors
Blinding you leaf by leaf when you
Look up and down as they fall like snow -
Perhaps as a warning of what's to come -
Shortly thereafter their everafter in a
Crisp whiff of this life cycle picked up
In all sizes of fingers, embraced and
Released over and over again.
They do not grow tired of the attention -
Collectively or individually even when pressed.
Seen in gracefully falling leaves
As they fall to their final resting place
Before being blown skitteringly
Along the street south and west
Sounding like a crackling fire that is
Being alluded to by their journey to
Their graves in gutters to be trampled on,
Scooped up, thrown, crunched under
Boots that have come out of hibernation
Every year around the same time as
A sweet smelling reminder of rejuvenation
Through the final attempt at
Reassurance in the bursting colors
Blinding you leaf by leaf when you
Look up and down as they fall like snow -
Perhaps as a warning of what's to come -
Shortly thereafter their everafter in a
Crisp whiff of this life cycle picked up
In all sizes of fingers, embraced and
Released over and over again.
They do not grow tired of the attention -
Collectively or individually even when pressed.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Hostage Situation
One of the most glorious days of the year yet!
How I will miss this month when Old Man Winter
Comes and takes it hostage as well as all of its
Faithful followers for who knows how long or
When he'll show up with his whip and chair
Pushing us into the pits where we will hibernate
Till next year.
How I will miss this month when Old Man Winter
Comes and takes it hostage as well as all of its
Faithful followers for who knows how long or
When he'll show up with his whip and chair
Pushing us into the pits where we will hibernate
Till next year.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Places
Around the corner or
Around the bend...
It's coming... it's
On it's way... it's
About to be yours
Any day...
Just wait, don't give up
Or give in to the idea that
You've gotta settle for
What is it again?
Something beneath you?
Isn't that Mother Earth and
Isn't or hasn't she been
Supporting you since birth?
You go back into her crust -
A pie crust cracked and
Spackled shut after your
Burial in the gooey warmth of
The blueberry filling you
Willingly plunged into to
Plant your being so it can
Grow into the nooks and
Crannies of a life you were
A bit too excited to exit for the
Underworld under the world
You treaded upon not long
Enough to do and see all you
Wanted on the bare back of a horse,
You - wearing brown, white stitched
Tony Lama cowboy boots.
Around the bend...
It's coming... it's
On it's way... it's
About to be yours
Any day...
Just wait, don't give up
Or give in to the idea that
You've gotta settle for
What is it again?
Something beneath you?
Isn't that Mother Earth and
Isn't or hasn't she been
Supporting you since birth?
You go back into her crust -
A pie crust cracked and
Spackled shut after your
Burial in the gooey warmth of
The blueberry filling you
Willingly plunged into to
Plant your being so it can
Grow into the nooks and
Crannies of a life you were
A bit too excited to exit for the
Underworld under the world
You treaded upon not long
Enough to do and see all you
Wanted on the bare back of a horse,
You - wearing brown, white stitched
Tony Lama cowboy boots.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Billy... with a "Y"
Billy with a "Y" has tried so hard
Not to cry when talking about his
Past... "the abuse that was done to
Me was both physical and mental and
It has left scars that you can and can't
See..." he stares with a gaze that's
Both creepy and sad - his crystal, clear
Blue eyes betray the metaphor of
Swimming in the pool of his eyes
Because a drowning will occur instead.
Stormy seas can't even describe what
Is projected from his eyes and yet there is
A placidness...
"I'm Billy with a "Y," yep, and I
Find it hard to smile sometimes."
And I find it hard to believe that
This still occurs to so many that I
Have become blind to his eyes
Staring at me for comfort and
Friendship - I can handle only a
Few measured minutes with him as
I keep checking the time because
The fear he wears as scars bite into
My flesh leaving wounds of empathy...
"Let's practice laughing!" I say, and
We do and he's happy for that second
Or two.
Not to cry when talking about his
Past... "the abuse that was done to
Me was both physical and mental and
It has left scars that you can and can't
See..." he stares with a gaze that's
Both creepy and sad - his crystal, clear
Blue eyes betray the metaphor of
Swimming in the pool of his eyes
Because a drowning will occur instead.
Stormy seas can't even describe what
Is projected from his eyes and yet there is
A placidness...
"I'm Billy with a "Y," yep, and I
Find it hard to smile sometimes."
And I find it hard to believe that
This still occurs to so many that I
Have become blind to his eyes
Staring at me for comfort and
Friendship - I can handle only a
Few measured minutes with him as
I keep checking the time because
The fear he wears as scars bite into
My flesh leaving wounds of empathy...
"Let's practice laughing!" I say, and
We do and he's happy for that second
Or two.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
LEAVE ME
Shut your mouth!
Please get out!
I need some space.
I get it. This is yours.
Not mine... but what
I'm seeing is that you're
NOT allowing me
Any grace and holding
It over my head that
What I have is yours
On loan and now
Counting down till
I'm out - I, too, can
Count and I'm counting
The days till we part.
Please get out!
I need some space.
I get it. This is yours.
Not mine... but what
I'm seeing is that you're
NOT allowing me
Any grace and holding
It over my head that
What I have is yours
On loan and now
Counting down till
I'm out - I, too, can
Count and I'm counting
The days till we part.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Black + White = Blite
Ansel Adams knew how to capture a moment
In black and white - there is a majesty in his work - and yet
Her, Majesty, sat upon her swing pumping her
Little legs in and out in order to touch the sky.
Both legs the color of hot chocolate with a touch
Of whole milk poured in - not one black and the
Other white - that's not how it works being a
Mixed race child - her lovely body was not
Born sectioned off with who she looks like:
Her father's mouth and golden almond shaped eyes -
Her mother's cherub cheek bones, and pudgy pug nose -
Combined chocolate and vanilla DNA made Majesty's
Hair a cornucopia of delicate, if not quickly tamed,
Curls, spilling forth like corn cut off the cob the
Color of pennies - and yet she is both of her parents -
Two different races - one little person to run it - from the
Starting line a challenge - who does she identify with?
The gun was shot - she has begun the race of her life -
Being called a blite - she is not such a thing -
There is no beauty in blight - but majestic beauty in
The black and white of this little miracle called Majesty.
Ansel Adams could capture her perfectly - she is
A beautiful subject and a work of art from Heaven.
In black and white - there is a majesty in his work - and yet
Her, Majesty, sat upon her swing pumping her
Little legs in and out in order to touch the sky.
Both legs the color of hot chocolate with a touch
Of whole milk poured in - not one black and the
Other white - that's not how it works being a
Mixed race child - her lovely body was not
Born sectioned off with who she looks like:
Her father's mouth and golden almond shaped eyes -
Her mother's cherub cheek bones, and pudgy pug nose -
Combined chocolate and vanilla DNA made Majesty's
Hair a cornucopia of delicate, if not quickly tamed,
Curls, spilling forth like corn cut off the cob the
Color of pennies - and yet she is both of her parents -
Two different races - one little person to run it - from the
Starting line a challenge - who does she identify with?
The gun was shot - she has begun the race of her life -
Being called a blite - she is not such a thing -
There is no beauty in blight - but majestic beauty in
The black and white of this little miracle called Majesty.
Ansel Adams could capture her perfectly - she is
A beautiful subject and a work of art from Heaven.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Daisies...
I LOVE him; I love him NOT,
I love HIM, I LOVE him not,
I love him, I love him not.
Pluck the petals away
Pluck the thorns out of
Your fingertips... and
Love him regardless of
The end result...
He loves me;
He loves me not;
I love him; I love him not.
We love, pluck out petals and
Are left with just a stem and leaves
Leaving behind the parts of us
That don't regenerate anything but
Memories of being stripped of the
Beauty of petals from loving
Each other or not.
I love HIM, I LOVE him not,
I love him, I love him not.
Pluck the petals away
Pluck the thorns out of
Your fingertips... and
Love him regardless of
The end result...
He loves me;
He loves me not;
I love him; I love him not.
We love, pluck out petals and
Are left with just a stem and leaves
Leaving behind the parts of us
That don't regenerate anything but
Memories of being stripped of the
Beauty of petals from loving
Each other or not.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Beatings...
Knuckles to the gut -
That area right above the belly button -
Left a mark, an impression that of
The fist doing the job of
Knocking the air completely
Out of her being - through
Rejection - over and over
Again and again - these
Beatings that come so
Frequently and yet something
Makes her resilient to the pain -
The repetition - because it teaches
Her to keep going until she has
Perfected the process of not
Giving up, not lying down on
The job of living after the beatings
Of life have completed their
Circuit of whoopings on her
Heart, mind, and soul leaving
Her stronger, calloused in
All the right areas but blinded to
The good that tags along side her
Near the gutter she keeps kicking
It back into so she doesn't have to be
Found in it first.
That area right above the belly button -
Left a mark, an impression that of
The fist doing the job of
Knocking the air completely
Out of her being - through
Rejection - over and over
Again and again - these
Beatings that come so
Frequently and yet something
Makes her resilient to the pain -
The repetition - because it teaches
Her to keep going until she has
Perfected the process of not
Giving up, not lying down on
The job of living after the beatings
Of life have completed their
Circuit of whoopings on her
Heart, mind, and soul leaving
Her stronger, calloused in
All the right areas but blinded to
The good that tags along side her
Near the gutter she keeps kicking
It back into so she doesn't have to be
Found in it first.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Hasta La Vista
Hasta la vista September.
I am happy to welcome
October... yes, you may come
Before her, but she's better by
Far. What with her blustery ways
And confident, crisp air - why
Wouldn't I welcome October with
Such aplomb? September you were
Flippant and rude with your indecisive
Weather pattern and hurricanes that
You couldn't let go of in August.
It's clear why you two were together and
How jealous you are of October.
She is a picture of beauty.
Not too hot and not too cold and if
She does turn the thermostat on to
Freezing she's allowed because of her
Close relationship with November who
Coaxes her frequently into following
His suit of chilliness because he's so
Beguiling with his freeze fallen leaves smell
And crunchy when walking on the leaves
He's felled ways...
Welcome October... well, come on in!
Hasta la vista baby September!
I am happy to welcome
October... yes, you may come
Before her, but she's better by
Far. What with her blustery ways
And confident, crisp air - why
Wouldn't I welcome October with
Such aplomb? September you were
Flippant and rude with your indecisive
Weather pattern and hurricanes that
You couldn't let go of in August.
It's clear why you two were together and
How jealous you are of October.
She is a picture of beauty.
Not too hot and not too cold and if
She does turn the thermostat on to
Freezing she's allowed because of her
Close relationship with November who
Coaxes her frequently into following
His suit of chilliness because he's so
Beguiling with his freeze fallen leaves smell
And crunchy when walking on the leaves
He's felled ways...
Welcome October... well, come on in!
Hasta la vista baby September!
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Observations
Observationally observe how the observer
Observes... Their observations observed
Serve as insights on what they've seen and
Yet we use them as our own... hmmmm,
How observant.
Observes... Their observations observed
Serve as insights on what they've seen and
Yet we use them as our own... hmmmm,
How observant.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Maybe I Got It All Wrong
Perception perceives what are preconceptions
Over time the lines are drawn and are not
Really there - it's all an illusion - delusionally
Speaking - it's elusive this thing we all call
Life - it's a female dog and then we die?
Over time the lines are drawn and are not
Really there - it's all an illusion - delusionally
Speaking - it's elusive this thing we all call
Life - it's a female dog and then we die?
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Marching Orders
It doesn't matter what we do
But do it we must... it doesn't
Matter what we say, but something
Must be said - to lie about the way
We see, or view what is around us is
To ignore the very fabric core of
Who we are collectively and individually and
Do a dis-service to the humanity of honesty,
Creativity, and believability that are our ancestors.
History will repeat it self - it has told us that many a time.
Do not ignore its ever faithful mantra and mind
Your Ps and Qs - get up; get out; do something true to
and for you!
But do it we must... it doesn't
Matter what we say, but something
Must be said - to lie about the way
We see, or view what is around us is
To ignore the very fabric core of
Who we are collectively and individually and
Do a dis-service to the humanity of honesty,
Creativity, and believability that are our ancestors.
History will repeat it self - it has told us that many a time.
Do not ignore its ever faithful mantra and mind
Your Ps and Qs - get up; get out; do something true to
and for you!
Monday, September 26, 2011
The Facades
I am like Chicago
Beautiful but just barely
Holding it together -
Row upon row, side by side,
Each of my facades
Slightly crumbling after
So much abuse from
The elements of time,
Extreme temperatures of
Attitude flung at my face
The cracks all in the right places...
Awaiting a restoration...
Who will purchase me to
Renovate me to my former
Days of glory?
Beautiful but just barely
Holding it together -
Row upon row, side by side,
Each of my facades
Slightly crumbling after
So much abuse from
The elements of time,
Extreme temperatures of
Attitude flung at my face
The cracks all in the right places...
Awaiting a restoration...
Who will purchase me to
Renovate me to my former
Days of glory?
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Page Turner
Everyday is a new page
That needs to be turned
Sometimes the winds of
Change do the turning to
The pages of your life
Without permission
Without as much as a question
To how you'd feel about it
The page is just flipped after
You fall off to sleep and
Awake on a new page at
The top of the day...
The main character is the same
Dramatic structure doesn't change so
The exposition is exposing you
To the world again and again...
The topography of this page ends
Another chapter you hadn't intended to
Begin... and then the blank page begins to
Beckon whilst you lay your head down
On the dirty pillow case covering your
Clean from tears cleaning it pillow
It's all too much... the quickness with
Which the pages of your life keep turning
You try to jump off the page and turn back
A few chapters - but alas, poor lass -
This can never be - you are not free to turn
The pages back... just scribble upon them
The dreams and nightmares that can't be
Controlled either.
That needs to be turned
Sometimes the winds of
Change do the turning to
The pages of your life
Without permission
Without as much as a question
To how you'd feel about it
The page is just flipped after
You fall off to sleep and
Awake on a new page at
The top of the day...
The main character is the same
Dramatic structure doesn't change so
The exposition is exposing you
To the world again and again...
The topography of this page ends
Another chapter you hadn't intended to
Begin... and then the blank page begins to
Beckon whilst you lay your head down
On the dirty pillow case covering your
Clean from tears cleaning it pillow
It's all too much... the quickness with
Which the pages of your life keep turning
You try to jump off the page and turn back
A few chapters - but alas, poor lass -
This can never be - you are not free to turn
The pages back... just scribble upon them
The dreams and nightmares that can't be
Controlled either.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Here I Go... Again
I read that if I have faith
This too shall pass -
Pass away? What?
The clouds of depression
That blanch out the
Light of hope? Well,
Here I go... again,
Down that tunnel where
There is no light at the
End of it - I hear the
Very real lies of the Enemy
Telling me the truth about
Myself: too dumb to know
That I should not keep
Going - but too lazy and
Lame to do anything about it.
Sadness is an all too familiar
Scratchy shroud that envelopes
Me in its folds and is set ablaze -
Unfortunately it is anti-retardant and
I can't get unwrapped - untouched by the
Fiercely burning licking tongues of
Flames that leave scars - reminders that
Bring me back to this scenario
Over and over again - trapped in my
Mind where nothing can seem to
Penetrate or help in abating the pain
Of a f**ked up mind that is trying to
Kill its host.
This too shall pass -
Pass away? What?
The clouds of depression
That blanch out the
Light of hope? Well,
Here I go... again,
Down that tunnel where
There is no light at the
End of it - I hear the
Very real lies of the Enemy
Telling me the truth about
Myself: too dumb to know
That I should not keep
Going - but too lazy and
Lame to do anything about it.
Sadness is an all too familiar
Scratchy shroud that envelopes
Me in its folds and is set ablaze -
Unfortunately it is anti-retardant and
I can't get unwrapped - untouched by the
Fiercely burning licking tongues of
Flames that leave scars - reminders that
Bring me back to this scenario
Over and over again - trapped in my
Mind where nothing can seem to
Penetrate or help in abating the pain
Of a f**ked up mind that is trying to
Kill its host.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Mystical Love
Eyes half open
Heart half closed
She sat in a corner
With a bloody nose.
Tears stained her shirt.
Blood splashed the floor.
It seemed that it was over
Before it could start.
Love is a mystery
Shrouded in the dark of
Cruelty.
Heart half closed
She sat in a corner
With a bloody nose.
Tears stained her shirt.
Blood splashed the floor.
It seemed that it was over
Before it could start.
Love is a mystery
Shrouded in the dark of
Cruelty.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Placeholder #5
Too exhausted to
Keep typppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppping
OH, crap, fell asleep on the
Keyboard
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Placeholder #4
After these messages
I will be...
Not necessarily RIGHT
BACK...
BUT back just the same.
I will be...
Not necessarily RIGHT
BACK...
BUT back just the same.
Placeholder #3
I am pissed off.
AGAIN?
Can't change until
You're so sick of yourself
It's impossible NOT
To change...
This is what Hamlet
May have felt.
AGAIN?
Can't change until
You're so sick of yourself
It's impossible NOT
To change...
This is what Hamlet
May have felt.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Wanting
I have come up wanting again -
I just want to be great at something
And NOT exhausted - I want
Brilliance to exude from my pores
And NOT burn out - ever.
I want ideas to brim and gurgle forth like
A color changing fountain without
Being interrupted by the ugly voices
In my head that are just plain rude.
Even penning this I wanted to be
Eloquent and precise without being
Pretentious or morose and yet the
Step off the curb into the street of
Life, just right now, is far from the
Bottom of my footing and gravity's
Push and pull has flung me down into
A grimy gutter filled with trash from
My dirty mind - not in a sexy way -
A filthy, angry, mean to self way that
Arrests my personal development
Without even slapping any handcuffs on.
I'm so tired of this prison. I want out.
I just want to be great at something
And NOT exhausted - I want
Brilliance to exude from my pores
And NOT burn out - ever.
I want ideas to brim and gurgle forth like
A color changing fountain without
Being interrupted by the ugly voices
In my head that are just plain rude.
Even penning this I wanted to be
Eloquent and precise without being
Pretentious or morose and yet the
Step off the curb into the street of
Life, just right now, is far from the
Bottom of my footing and gravity's
Push and pull has flung me down into
A grimy gutter filled with trash from
My dirty mind - not in a sexy way -
A filthy, angry, mean to self way that
Arrests my personal development
Without even slapping any handcuffs on.
I'm so tired of this prison. I want out.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Let Me Quote You
"In the end, everyone becomes who they said they'd never be."
"You can not leave this life alive."
"You reap what you sow... so don't be a doosh!"
"Make no mistake..." That's a little hard for some of us to do!
"Is The Catcher in the Rye a book about bread?"
"You can not leave this life alive."
"You reap what you sow... so don't be a doosh!"
"Make no mistake..." That's a little hard for some of us to do!
"Is The Catcher in the Rye a book about bread?"
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Losing Steam
I will get back into the
Swing of things and get
This going again - this
Waxing poetically stuff -
Right soon... once I have
Picked myself up and
Dusted myself off from the
Dousing of exhaustion powder
That's all over me!
Swing of things and get
This going again - this
Waxing poetically stuff -
Right soon... once I have
Picked myself up and
Dusted myself off from the
Dousing of exhaustion powder
That's all over me!
Monday, September 12, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Bulges
There's nothing like rejection to make
One feel fat and ugly... oh, wait
That occurs when I sit in a particularly
Plastic folding chair where the seat
Cuts into the fat and cellulite of my
Thighs whilst I cross my legs at
My ankles, like a lady, where I
Feel the blubber around my bulbous
Knees protrude to hitting each other
Vying for my attention - shouting,
"It's time to hit the gym not that
Bag of Krispy Kreme Donuts,"
"Take off your Spanx because you
Need to be spanked for disobeying
Your conscience!"
My chubby knees high-five each other
After they think they've done some-
Thing noble like getting my attention.
Then the Spanx body shaper takes a
Roll down my core that's ripply and
I abhor - saying something about,
"Who does she think she is having me
Hold her in place all day like this...
That's it I'm done with her - I'm headed
South." And that's where Ms. Spanx went -
Right down to the fold at my bellybutton.
My bellybutton kept her mouth buttoned up,
Thank God! Oh, nevermind Ms. Spanx was
Acting as a gag so Bellybutton couldn't say
A thing even if she wanted to!
So I pried Ms. Spanx off and chucked her
In the corner where she spitefully spat,
"Nobody puts Baby in the corner -
You'll come back!"
And she was right - after the roll on my back
Talked back to me I went waddling to her for
Moral support.
One feel fat and ugly... oh, wait
That occurs when I sit in a particularly
Plastic folding chair where the seat
Cuts into the fat and cellulite of my
Thighs whilst I cross my legs at
My ankles, like a lady, where I
Feel the blubber around my bulbous
Knees protrude to hitting each other
Vying for my attention - shouting,
"It's time to hit the gym not that
Bag of Krispy Kreme Donuts,"
"Take off your Spanx because you
Need to be spanked for disobeying
Your conscience!"
My chubby knees high-five each other
After they think they've done some-
Thing noble like getting my attention.
Then the Spanx body shaper takes a
Roll down my core that's ripply and
I abhor - saying something about,
"Who does she think she is having me
Hold her in place all day like this...
That's it I'm done with her - I'm headed
South." And that's where Ms. Spanx went -
Right down to the fold at my bellybutton.
My bellybutton kept her mouth buttoned up,
Thank God! Oh, nevermind Ms. Spanx was
Acting as a gag so Bellybutton couldn't say
A thing even if she wanted to!
So I pried Ms. Spanx off and chucked her
In the corner where she spitefully spat,
"Nobody puts Baby in the corner -
You'll come back!"
And she was right - after the roll on my back
Talked back to me I went waddling to her for
Moral support.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Valet Service
Sometimes you must drive through Hell
In order to park your hoopty in Heaven.
Cregier street jogs my memory into a state of
Self pity - it seems everything I want, that
I think I need, is that much harder to achieve...
Same goes for those folks on Cregier -
Peddle to the metal, no - clutch put in gear
For fear of not getting what others place
A value on - me and my abilities...
I pull up to that drive through window and
Am handed a cold order of french fries.
I could take them and drive off, but I get
Outta my jalopy and go inside and try
To be real nice and all, but my evil side
Gets the better of me sometimes and I say,
"Look here! These french fries are cold and
The only reason they should be is if you went to
France to make them and had to walk back,
NOW I want a fresh pack or my money back!"
"Well, uh, m'am, why don't you take a seat
While that young man goes and valet parks
Your car while we get you a piping hot, fresh,
New pack of french fries straight from our fryer
NOT at all from France."
"Valet parks my car?"
Sometimes when you park in Hell
Someone else sees it as an opportunity for
A joy ride to Heaven.
In order to park your hoopty in Heaven.
Cregier street jogs my memory into a state of
Self pity - it seems everything I want, that
I think I need, is that much harder to achieve...
Same goes for those folks on Cregier -
Peddle to the metal, no - clutch put in gear
For fear of not getting what others place
A value on - me and my abilities...
I pull up to that drive through window and
Am handed a cold order of french fries.
I could take them and drive off, but I get
Outta my jalopy and go inside and try
To be real nice and all, but my evil side
Gets the better of me sometimes and I say,
"Look here! These french fries are cold and
The only reason they should be is if you went to
France to make them and had to walk back,
NOW I want a fresh pack or my money back!"
"Well, uh, m'am, why don't you take a seat
While that young man goes and valet parks
Your car while we get you a piping hot, fresh,
New pack of french fries straight from our fryer
NOT at all from France."
"Valet parks my car?"
Sometimes when you park in Hell
Someone else sees it as an opportunity for
A joy ride to Heaven.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
100 Strong
100 was not something I wanted to
Weigh as an 8 year old, but it's something
I wanted to stay as a 15 year old...
100 is an age of antiquity but even
Antiquity is older than that and perhaps
100 times greater are the artifacts that have
Stood the test of time, past the lines that
Line the halls to stare at the objects now
Worth more than 100 dollars and then some -
Behind plexiglass or stanchions.
100 is an age I don't want to see, but
Something I want to be in soul and wisdom
Knowing that what I know was needed
At the time it was gleaned and given away
With a gleam in my eye for the future who
Inherited it unsolicited...
100 times 100 times 100 is how many times
I want to feel alive in the moment and know
That I have been exponentially blessed
Regardless of my circumstances - especially
When I'm down on my luck or down in the
Corners of my mouth.
100 - it's a milestone - one I have reached
100 times in writing these poems -
100 days; 100 poems; 100 strong will become
100 stronger soon enough - in 100 more days.
Weigh as an 8 year old, but it's something
I wanted to stay as a 15 year old...
100 is an age of antiquity but even
Antiquity is older than that and perhaps
100 times greater are the artifacts that have
Stood the test of time, past the lines that
Line the halls to stare at the objects now
Worth more than 100 dollars and then some -
Behind plexiglass or stanchions.
100 is an age I don't want to see, but
Something I want to be in soul and wisdom
Knowing that what I know was needed
At the time it was gleaned and given away
With a gleam in my eye for the future who
Inherited it unsolicited...
100 times 100 times 100 is how many times
I want to feel alive in the moment and know
That I have been exponentially blessed
Regardless of my circumstances - especially
When I'm down on my luck or down in the
Corners of my mouth.
100 - it's a milestone - one I have reached
100 times in writing these poems -
100 days; 100 poems; 100 strong will become
100 stronger soon enough - in 100 more days.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Crickets in Englewood*
The crickets crick in the
Bright of day in Englewood, IL.
Englewood - Southside of Chicago,
Not even the insects are safe to
Sing their songs at night without fear there -
Fear of a drive-by... maybe of
Pesticides or suicides in the
Ramshackle condemned high rise
Where hopes were high and raised
Just like the wrecking ball that blew
A hole through the whole community
Wreaking a black hole that has
Sucked out the good times of black life on
The blocks between 63rd and 70th,
East and West of the Dan Ryan -
Who keeps cryin' to keep his babies
Safe - well, keep them off the streets and
Away from the crickets before they
Crick and chirp their tales of woe to
Another forlorn soul on the corner
Waiting for the black hole to close
But not another shop, house or school
Just the budget deficit in the 'hood
Where blight is the only sight that
The children see and know and play
With and amongst as their only precious
Prize possessions and toys - they know
No difference... that crickets are
Supposed to crick at night not in the
Light of day that has exposed a lot of
What's not and never will be on
The Southside of Chicago.
Bright of day in Englewood, IL.
Englewood - Southside of Chicago,
Not even the insects are safe to
Sing their songs at night without fear there -
Fear of a drive-by... maybe of
Pesticides or suicides in the
Ramshackle condemned high rise
Where hopes were high and raised
Just like the wrecking ball that blew
A hole through the whole community
Wreaking a black hole that has
Sucked out the good times of black life on
The blocks between 63rd and 70th,
East and West of the Dan Ryan -
Who keeps cryin' to keep his babies
Safe - well, keep them off the streets and
Away from the crickets before they
Crick and chirp their tales of woe to
Another forlorn soul on the corner
Waiting for the black hole to close
But not another shop, house or school
Just the budget deficit in the 'hood
Where blight is the only sight that
The children see and know and play
With and amongst as their only precious
Prize possessions and toys - they know
No difference... that crickets are
Supposed to crick at night not in the
Light of day that has exposed a lot of
What's not and never will be on
The Southside of Chicago.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Crashing
This is what I do when I don't
Get enough sleep
Crash into everything -
I need to show you and
Not tell you - but it's time to
Crash into the warmth of my
Frayed, always ready to embrace me,
Blankets.
Good night.
Get enough sleep
Crash into everything -
I need to show you and
Not tell you - but it's time to
Crash into the warmth of my
Frayed, always ready to embrace me,
Blankets.
Good night.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Myles To Go*
Happy birthday was all that was
Given through a song on a cello
Solo for a gift from a poor
White trash little girl excluded
From the festivities of the
Wealthy black girl on the block -
That's all this trashy child could afford.
The gift was received awkwardly -
The mother ushered the gift-giver
Away into obscurity so no one could
See how ugly her racism could be to
The only child not invited to celebrate
In the birth of her child not having to
Deal with the ignorance her mother
Was dispensing to a young lady who
Was only concerned with bringing a
Gift since she could not afford anything
Material to give except the song from
Her heart played out on the strings that
Were rented so she could appear
Cultured in this otherwise savage
Environment where adults hate the
Color of the skin that hurt them that later was
Only trying to love what they birthed...
Black hating white - none of it's right.
Given through a song on a cello
Solo for a gift from a poor
White trash little girl excluded
From the festivities of the
Wealthy black girl on the block -
That's all this trashy child could afford.
The gift was received awkwardly -
The mother ushered the gift-giver
Away into obscurity so no one could
See how ugly her racism could be to
The only child not invited to celebrate
In the birth of her child not having to
Deal with the ignorance her mother
Was dispensing to a young lady who
Was only concerned with bringing a
Gift since she could not afford anything
Material to give except the song from
Her heart played out on the strings that
Were rented so she could appear
Cultured in this otherwise savage
Environment where adults hate the
Color of the skin that hurt them that later was
Only trying to love what they birthed...
Black hating white - none of it's right.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Gut Wretching
The story goes...
Once upon a time there
Was a princess and a pea
Or was it, Once upon a
Time there was a fairyland
All twinkly and magical?
No - no, princesses showed;
none were hire-able because all
Had turned in their "damsel in
Distress" cards for a more
Independent path - a path of
Let-me-do-it-on-my-own,
Thank you very much!
And then the day came to
Walk down the aisle and there
Was no one there - to walk with
Or meet at the altar - which
Alters the course of so many
Princesses all dressed in white...
'Cause here comes the bride
Without a groom by her side.
Once upon a time there
Was a princess and a pea
Or was it, Once upon a
Time there was a fairyland
All twinkly and magical?
No - no, princesses showed;
none were hire-able because all
Had turned in their "damsel in
Distress" cards for a more
Independent path - a path of
Let-me-do-it-on-my-own,
Thank you very much!
And then the day came to
Walk down the aisle and there
Was no one there - to walk with
Or meet at the altar - which
Alters the course of so many
Princesses all dressed in white...
'Cause here comes the bride
Without a groom by her side.
What's Next
I haven't turned my cheek
In quite a while because my
Back was broken by a kick
In the butt - rejection is not
Bad it's God's protection.
What's next is a secret - a
Surprise that I may not be
Present to win or experience.
Must not expect anything
Because it's when you least
Expect it that it will turn up.
What? That's what's not to be
Known - next.
In quite a while because my
Back was broken by a kick
In the butt - rejection is not
Bad it's God's protection.
What's next is a secret - a
Surprise that I may not be
Present to win or experience.
Must not expect anything
Because it's when you least
Expect it that it will turn up.
What? That's what's not to be
Known - next.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Sliding Into Darkness
Like vegetable oil poured over a
Cutting board lifted at a 45 degree angle
The summer is sliding into the grooves
Of the quickly approaching night...
This slips everything closer to
Darkness, sadness in the thought that
Soon the sunlight will be slumbering
Before everyone is off work for the
Evening - missing out on more of the
Stuff that shimmers in the light of
The heated orb that sweats gold to
Uncover an indigo blanket of cool
Cover in shadows of what once was
Easily seen before the day started to
Retract for an earlier bedtime.
Cutting board lifted at a 45 degree angle
The summer is sliding into the grooves
Of the quickly approaching night...
This slips everything closer to
Darkness, sadness in the thought that
Soon the sunlight will be slumbering
Before everyone is off work for the
Evening - missing out on more of the
Stuff that shimmers in the light of
The heated orb that sweats gold to
Uncover an indigo blanket of cool
Cover in shadows of what once was
Easily seen before the day started to
Retract for an earlier bedtime.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Ivory in Obsidian*
His swag is hypnotic,
Alluring, dripping with the
Drug that knocks you out
With one whiff - and then
His smile - perfect ivory
Keys set in an Adonis chiseled
Obsidian face beckoning me to play
Each one with a kiss -
My ivory skin is the same color
As his teeth - his smooth black
Features are only found in my
Eyelashes that I bat in disbelief at
His unreal beauty - a statue brought to
Life - walking the streets to guard and
Guide the children I teach on to safe
Passage - if only he could do that
With my heart...
He is a dangerous fox.
I am a wide-eyed bunny.
If he was ever hungry he would not
Have to chase me. I would willingly
Sacrifice my heart as a meal on the
Altar of his swift appetite- if only
I could trap his attention I would
Play upon the keys he unknowingly
Uses to paralyze my being and
Devour my hope in finding
A replica of him for my own
In the safe haven of familiars.
Alluring, dripping with the
Drug that knocks you out
With one whiff - and then
His smile - perfect ivory
Keys set in an Adonis chiseled
Obsidian face beckoning me to play
Each one with a kiss -
My ivory skin is the same color
As his teeth - his smooth black
Features are only found in my
Eyelashes that I bat in disbelief at
His unreal beauty - a statue brought to
Life - walking the streets to guard and
Guide the children I teach on to safe
Passage - if only he could do that
With my heart...
He is a dangerous fox.
I am a wide-eyed bunny.
If he was ever hungry he would not
Have to chase me. I would willingly
Sacrifice my heart as a meal on the
Altar of his swift appetite- if only
I could trap his attention I would
Play upon the keys he unknowingly
Uses to paralyze my being and
Devour my hope in finding
A replica of him for my own
In the safe haven of familiars.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Caught Up*
I caught my breath -
It was up to no good
Holding back its expression -
Finally, I was able to
Catch it by surprise and
It surprised me by releasing
Itself through multiple orifices!
Finally, I caught my breath and
It felt good - warm and gentle
Coming and going through
My nostrils - soft and sweet
Like a baby wrapped in a flannel
Receiving blanket receiving the
Attention it so needed after
Being held in for so long -
AAAHHHHH, yes - freedom!
It was up to no good
Holding back its expression -
Finally, I was able to
Catch it by surprise and
It surprised me by releasing
Itself through multiple orifices!
Finally, I caught my breath and
It felt good - warm and gentle
Coming and going through
My nostrils - soft and sweet
Like a baby wrapped in a flannel
Receiving blanket receiving the
Attention it so needed after
Being held in for so long -
AAAHHHHH, yes - freedom!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Stinky Feet*
Man do they ever stink
My feet - if they had noses
They would tell each other
To go take a shower.
I guess I could walk them to
The bathroom and subject them to
The water torture of too low pressure -
But what good would that do -
They'd just rebel tomorrow
Stepping into their fetid
Tomb of shoes - walking away
Right and left leaving a carbon imprint
Upon the olfactory organs of their owner and
Wherever they have trod.
My feet - if they had noses
They would tell each other
To go take a shower.
I guess I could walk them to
The bathroom and subject them to
The water torture of too low pressure -
But what good would that do -
They'd just rebel tomorrow
Stepping into their fetid
Tomb of shoes - walking away
Right and left leaving a carbon imprint
Upon the olfactory organs of their owner and
Wherever they have trod.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Dreams
I dreamt I was in a musical with
Teachers I teach with at a high school
I didn't recognize - I didn't recognize
The teachers either... and my hair was
Thin and variegated - neither of which
Is the case, too! And they were trying
To teach me the songs at the same time
As showing me the ropes...
I woke up singing the song - it was
Lovely. I wish I could remember it and
The high school too.. maybe they're
Hiring!
Teachers I teach with at a high school
I didn't recognize - I didn't recognize
The teachers either... and my hair was
Thin and variegated - neither of which
Is the case, too! And they were trying
To teach me the songs at the same time
As showing me the ropes...
I woke up singing the song - it was
Lovely. I wish I could remember it and
The high school too.. maybe they're
Hiring!
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Vanilla Bean
I have been observed to
Smell like vanilla
All white people smell
This way... just kidding.
Someone believed me.
Bless her heart.
Smell like vanilla
All white people smell
This way... just kidding.
Someone believed me.
Bless her heart.
5 Husbands...
I have 5 husbands
One for every day of the week
And NONE for the weekend...
I need the weekends to myself!
One for every day of the week
And NONE for the weekend...
I need the weekends to myself!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Motivation
What do you do whens't you're extremely tired?
Tired of the grind - tired of your monkey mind,
Jumping from one fire that needs dousing to
The next - where does the strength really come from
To extinguish the flames that burn and chap your hide?
God is not dormant, not absent, but omniscient and
Yet - and yet - there is something aching - a
Cavernous space 3 inches below your larynx -
Not necessarily that specific or ever in that physical
Geographic locale - but a chasm that yearns for
Filling with comfort, security and peace - that seems to
Elude the all-knowing God that knows just what
You need to do in the times when you don't know -
And have not discerned how to discern the answer to
Choose or follow...
So you skip a rock across this canyon where the stone
Indubitably free falls echoing all the way down to the
Ground where gravity has guided it... as you fall you
Scream - this release releases a torrential wave of
Relief, which creates a tsunami of pent up emotions to
Erupt in a volcano of hilarity - laughter and tears,
At the same time, choking on both - joy feels fleeting,
Promising, invigorating, encouraging enough so that
You climb back up from that rugged valley, swing on the
Monkey bars of your mind, and sail through the air
Skipping like a stone across the water of your
Heart to find a little more motivation to continue
Your quest in life even though you're exhausted and
Sometimes just don't get God's answers.
Tired of the grind - tired of your monkey mind,
Jumping from one fire that needs dousing to
The next - where does the strength really come from
To extinguish the flames that burn and chap your hide?
God is not dormant, not absent, but omniscient and
Yet - and yet - there is something aching - a
Cavernous space 3 inches below your larynx -
Not necessarily that specific or ever in that physical
Geographic locale - but a chasm that yearns for
Filling with comfort, security and peace - that seems to
Elude the all-knowing God that knows just what
You need to do in the times when you don't know -
And have not discerned how to discern the answer to
Choose or follow...
So you skip a rock across this canyon where the stone
Indubitably free falls echoing all the way down to the
Ground where gravity has guided it... as you fall you
Scream - this release releases a torrential wave of
Relief, which creates a tsunami of pent up emotions to
Erupt in a volcano of hilarity - laughter and tears,
At the same time, choking on both - joy feels fleeting,
Promising, invigorating, encouraging enough so that
You climb back up from that rugged valley, swing on the
Monkey bars of your mind, and sail through the air
Skipping like a stone across the water of your
Heart to find a little more motivation to continue
Your quest in life even though you're exhausted and
Sometimes just don't get God's answers.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
I Am Brilliant
I am brilliant.
Ever just stop and tell yourself
Something that is hard to believe
Because the world likes to
Tell you otherwise on a
Billboard or magazine cover?
I am brilliant.
I care about the air I breathe and
The air I share with the people
I love and I love a lot and I love
Long and without caution -
There is duct tape found around my
Heart where it is held together from
Being so reckless with my
Brilliance - shining before all men
And women - bowing and scraping
Together a living to continue to
Bow and scrape a living together
Before an audience who will
Bow before my brilliance or
Cover their eyes from the glare -
I want no despair from those who
Find something applaudable in me -
I want what I give out, back -
Gratitude, awe, love and kindness -
Genuine niceness, friendliness -
Something few people find in those
Who know they should tell themselves
More often, "I am brilliant."
Ever just stop and tell yourself
Something that is hard to believe
Because the world likes to
Tell you otherwise on a
Billboard or magazine cover?
I am brilliant.
I care about the air I breathe and
The air I share with the people
I love and I love a lot and I love
Long and without caution -
There is duct tape found around my
Heart where it is held together from
Being so reckless with my
Brilliance - shining before all men
And women - bowing and scraping
Together a living to continue to
Bow and scrape a living together
Before an audience who will
Bow before my brilliance or
Cover their eyes from the glare -
I want no despair from those who
Find something applaudable in me -
I want what I give out, back -
Gratitude, awe, love and kindness -
Genuine niceness, friendliness -
Something few people find in those
Who know they should tell themselves
More often, "I am brilliant."
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Conglomeration*
There are two sides to a coin
There are two sides to me...
There may be many other sides;
I've lost count - each facet fascinates
My imagination while it takes a
Tour of the terrain of my mental
Landscape - all the peaks and valleys
All the slopes and curves - nothing
Is hidden, nor uncovered - nothing
Heavy or light - sound enters and
Exits, gets trapped and is expelled
Through a gentle sigh or a breath
Gathered over the top lip and through
The nose rushing over the brain to
Soothe the rough edges of my mind
With the slow closing of my eyes
Resting the top lids upon the bottom
Lashes lacing together like fingers in
Holding hands, intertwining - rolling
Eyeballs under thin flesh until all that's
Seen is the inside of my eyelid - pink,
Dark gray with muted shapes of light
Etched on them from staring at it...
Then it's gone when I'm awakened -
All the sides are integrated and I
Become one whole of many...
A conglomeration of much.
There are two sides to me...
There may be many other sides;
I've lost count - each facet fascinates
My imagination while it takes a
Tour of the terrain of my mental
Landscape - all the peaks and valleys
All the slopes and curves - nothing
Is hidden, nor uncovered - nothing
Heavy or light - sound enters and
Exits, gets trapped and is expelled
Through a gentle sigh or a breath
Gathered over the top lip and through
The nose rushing over the brain to
Soothe the rough edges of my mind
With the slow closing of my eyes
Resting the top lids upon the bottom
Lashes lacing together like fingers in
Holding hands, intertwining - rolling
Eyeballs under thin flesh until all that's
Seen is the inside of my eyelid - pink,
Dark gray with muted shapes of light
Etched on them from staring at it...
Then it's gone when I'm awakened -
All the sides are integrated and I
Become one whole of many...
A conglomeration of much.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Re-Visitation
I keep ending up in this situation:
Unhappy, displaced, just getting by.
I am marginalized by marginalizing
My pain as unnecessary or self-
Indulgent - maybe it is... maybe I
Am in pain - even if it's psychic -
When I don't know from my ESP
Which way to go or how long this
Mess will last... I just gotta get out of
This - dungeon of anger and bitterness -
It defiles many and mostly just me.
This too familiar visitor revisits me
Way too often...
Unhappy, displaced, just getting by.
I am marginalized by marginalizing
My pain as unnecessary or self-
Indulgent - maybe it is... maybe I
Am in pain - even if it's psychic -
When I don't know from my ESP
Which way to go or how long this
Mess will last... I just gotta get out of
This - dungeon of anger and bitterness -
It defiles many and mostly just me.
This too familiar visitor revisits me
Way too often...
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Urgent Haste*
I miss the childhood I rushed to
Grow up
And I wish I could
Slow down, rewind, retreat,
Retract, rescind upon the brakes that
Have failed in doing their job to stop
The tricycle I feverishly pedaled to
The corner where the ice cream man
Faithfully delivered sweet cream memories of
Childhood that melted and ran down my arms and
Hands into the hands of the friends I would
Clutch, and squeeze in order to remember their
Soft faces of innocence held in the grimy mind
Of my memory bank clouded up from the ever
Careening out of the trajectory I can not divert
Away from...
I rushed to grow up
Only to want to slow and grow down - this
Urgent haste... such a waste.
Grow up
And I wish I could
Slow down, rewind, retreat,
Retract, rescind upon the brakes that
Have failed in doing their job to stop
The tricycle I feverishly pedaled to
The corner where the ice cream man
Faithfully delivered sweet cream memories of
Childhood that melted and ran down my arms and
Hands into the hands of the friends I would
Clutch, and squeeze in order to remember their
Soft faces of innocence held in the grimy mind
Of my memory bank clouded up from the ever
Careening out of the trajectory I can not divert
Away from...
I rushed to grow up
Only to want to slow and grow down - this
Urgent haste... such a waste.
Never Cease
"Dreams deferred make the heart sick,
But a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."
Proverbs 13:12
When the roots get sick the tree will die.
Miracles "are the clear signs of God's action,"
He can resurrect a person and a tree -
He can give breath of life and He can snatch it
Leaving just a shell of a person, the bark of a tree -
Lacking animation the channel turns to
What is moving along outside the window -
Catches our attention and distracts us just
Long enough to forget our dreams are
Going unfulfilled, un-pursued, un-realized, not
Dreamed upon or nurtured - full and filling
Is how I want to feel from the feast of faith
I partake in when my longings are fulfilled.
Miracles never cease.
But a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."
Proverbs 13:12
When the roots get sick the tree will die.
Miracles "are the clear signs of God's action,"
He can resurrect a person and a tree -
He can give breath of life and He can snatch it
Leaving just a shell of a person, the bark of a tree -
Lacking animation the channel turns to
What is moving along outside the window -
Catches our attention and distracts us just
Long enough to forget our dreams are
Going unfulfilled, un-pursued, un-realized, not
Dreamed upon or nurtured - full and filling
Is how I want to feel from the feast of faith
I partake in when my longings are fulfilled.
Miracles never cease.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Dislike...
I don't like some people:
Unjust, bitchy people
Really chap my hide.
Unmerciful servants,
those are the ones...
I've been one, but I've
Encountered the wrath of
Sooooo many more.
Injustice in life bites and
I'm the butt its fangs keep
Chomping into.
Unjust, bitchy people
Really chap my hide.
Unmerciful servants,
those are the ones...
I've been one, but I've
Encountered the wrath of
Sooooo many more.
Injustice in life bites and
I'm the butt its fangs keep
Chomping into.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Fly Girls
To be the change you want to see in the world
Sometimes you gotta get outta the way...
MOVE! Get out the way! Get out the way!
Get out the way!
MOOOOOOVVVEEEE!!!!!
I did this for a friend and now she's soaring
High - dancing on clouds and in her element
She let me help her get there with the catapult
Of including her in my path that was her
Path too - we just take/have different gaits,
Rhythms, paths...
Sometimes you gotta get outta the way...
MOVE! Get out the way! Get out the way!
Get out the way!
MOOOOOOVVVEEEE!!!!!
I did this for a friend and now she's soaring
High - dancing on clouds and in her element
She let me help her get there with the catapult
Of including her in my path that was her
Path too - we just take/have different gaits,
Rhythms, paths...
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
*Mirror Change
Look in the mirror, see what
Needs to be changed and
Change it...
Fat feet - puffy, fluffy -
Strangely billowing out over the
Sides of her sandals - she can
Do nothing to change these
Freakish appendages to her
Feet - they are large enough to
Perhaps - walk on water -
It seems they may be a blessing to
Have feet the size of a bear's
The * on this title means it's a work in progress. I don't feel it's done to my liking yet.
Needs to be changed and
Change it...
Fat feet - puffy, fluffy -
Strangely billowing out over the
Sides of her sandals - she can
Do nothing to change these
Freakish appendages to her
Feet - they are large enough to
Perhaps - walk on water -
It seems they may be a blessing to
Have feet the size of a bear's
The * on this title means it's a work in progress. I don't feel it's done to my liking yet.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Crushed
Grapes turn to wine
Lemons to lemonade
Coal to diamonds
Tree pulp to paper, so
Why is that when my
Heart gets crushed it
Does not turn into
Anything but a heap of
Splintery shards -
Nothing useful or
Tasty, just painful
Chambers and vessels that
Transport blood to keep
Me living with the memories
That resurface each time
It gets crushed?
Lemons to lemonade
Coal to diamonds
Tree pulp to paper, so
Why is that when my
Heart gets crushed it
Does not turn into
Anything but a heap of
Splintery shards -
Nothing useful or
Tasty, just painful
Chambers and vessels that
Transport blood to keep
Me living with the memories
That resurface each time
It gets crushed?
Monday, August 15, 2011
DUSTY SHAMROCK
Who is the lucky one?
The one who finds something lucky or
The something lucky that's found?
Four-legged, furry, forgotten on
Someone's back-door-step with
Eyes the color of a shamrock
Skulking about without a whimper or
Purr to his mane - too afraid to be
Held or petted, and yet he still remains
Attached to the back-door with hope
Even in the change that whisks him
Away to be fixed up and accounted for
He couldn't behave - confined the way
He was and who would've really blamed him,
He was spared in so many ways and so
He returns to the back-door-stoop everyday
With faith in his shamrock green eyes that
He will be cared for as dusty as his mane and
Name are - it was lucky he was found -
He was lucky - we are lucky to have found him -
The something lucky that's found - lucky all around.
The one who finds something lucky or
The something lucky that's found?
Four-legged, furry, forgotten on
Someone's back-door-step with
Eyes the color of a shamrock
Skulking about without a whimper or
Purr to his mane - too afraid to be
Held or petted, and yet he still remains
Attached to the back-door with hope
Even in the change that whisks him
Away to be fixed up and accounted for
He couldn't behave - confined the way
He was and who would've really blamed him,
He was spared in so many ways and so
He returns to the back-door-stoop everyday
With faith in his shamrock green eyes that
He will be cared for as dusty as his mane and
Name are - it was lucky he was found -
He was lucky - we are lucky to have found him -
The something lucky that's found - lucky all around.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Eggs and Shells
I wanna feel like I have a place -
A place to spread my wings,
My limbs, my mind - expand
My lungs - to breathe easy,
Easier than walking on eggshells
Around the queens and princesses that
I'm subject to - and yet I am grateful to be
In their court - to have a chamber
To call home... but I want more!
Is that ingratitude?
The mold, mustiness and mildew
Of my "chamber" dungeon is
Creating headaches - my head aches to
Think, to dream, to imagine more than
What's all around me in the four walls of
The cell I occupy - break free from this -
Run, jog, maybe just walk since my
Muscles have atrophied and I don't know
If they could withstand the discipline of
Being used for more than just support.
Supported by the perfume that masks
The reality of the pain the headaches
Cause from that masking perfume.
Nothing stinks more than phoniness.
I hold court with queens and princesses and
We're all phony from not speaking the truth
About what stinks and give us headaches...
Walking on eggs and their shells.
A place to spread my wings,
My limbs, my mind - expand
My lungs - to breathe easy,
Easier than walking on eggshells
Around the queens and princesses that
I'm subject to - and yet I am grateful to be
In their court - to have a chamber
To call home... but I want more!
Is that ingratitude?
The mold, mustiness and mildew
Of my "chamber" dungeon is
Creating headaches - my head aches to
Think, to dream, to imagine more than
What's all around me in the four walls of
The cell I occupy - break free from this -
Run, jog, maybe just walk since my
Muscles have atrophied and I don't know
If they could withstand the discipline of
Being used for more than just support.
Supported by the perfume that masks
The reality of the pain the headaches
Cause from that masking perfume.
Nothing stinks more than phoniness.
I hold court with queens and princesses and
We're all phony from not speaking the truth
About what stinks and give us headaches...
Walking on eggs and their shells.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Awashed
Waves crash and crush,
Waves can be crested on -
Supported and carried to the
Shore of comfort and warmth
You rise to the occasion of gratitude -
This attitude is transformative
Washing you with rivulets of seaspray
Splashed on your face awaking you to
New sensations that bathe you in
Awe and wonder you hope never end.
Waves can be crested on -
Supported and carried to the
Shore of comfort and warmth
You rise to the occasion of gratitude -
This attitude is transformative
Washing you with rivulets of seaspray
Splashed on your face awaking you to
New sensations that bathe you in
Awe and wonder you hope never end.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Pinch Me Awake
I need a pinch to bring me back to reality!
Am I really here at this AMAZING pinnacle?
I can't seem to believe that I have been brought
Back to the land of the blessed - I never really
Left, nor was I exiled - I just kept ducking into
Caves to hide from the heavy responsibility that
Comes with favor - It's frightening sometimes and you
Don't want to hurt other peoples' feelings or
Make anyone feel bad about themselves - but
This is speculative co-dependancy rearing
Its ugly head stopping you from doing you and
Breathing and soaring high on the high of
Moving in the right direction - the direction of
Your dreams that seemed more like nightmares
From their inaccessibility - but the stretching to
Reach out and grasp them was good for your spine -
It strengthened and put steel in it - to persevere and
Push pass what others' think or opinionate on
You - being busy bodies only in your mind since
You can't hear what is being said in someone
Elses' mind - they aren't even thinking as much
About you as you are about them - fearing that
Your gratitude and joy is a burden and a blight
That will be a constant reminder of what
Someone else doesn't have but wants - like
This hasn't happened to you for so long - and
Now you are getting what you've strived for,
Were created for and have denied for so long
Because you wanted to be normal and "just an
Accountant" - balancing the books and scales of
Justice financially for everyone else but yourself
When it came to your dreams - there is a price
Attached, of course there is - but it's priceless...
So are the dividends of dreaming and seeing it
Through to realization... thanks be to God!!!
Am I really here at this AMAZING pinnacle?
I can't seem to believe that I have been brought
Back to the land of the blessed - I never really
Left, nor was I exiled - I just kept ducking into
Caves to hide from the heavy responsibility that
Comes with favor - It's frightening sometimes and you
Don't want to hurt other peoples' feelings or
Make anyone feel bad about themselves - but
This is speculative co-dependancy rearing
Its ugly head stopping you from doing you and
Breathing and soaring high on the high of
Moving in the right direction - the direction of
Your dreams that seemed more like nightmares
From their inaccessibility - but the stretching to
Reach out and grasp them was good for your spine -
It strengthened and put steel in it - to persevere and
Push pass what others' think or opinionate on
You - being busy bodies only in your mind since
You can't hear what is being said in someone
Elses' mind - they aren't even thinking as much
About you as you are about them - fearing that
Your gratitude and joy is a burden and a blight
That will be a constant reminder of what
Someone else doesn't have but wants - like
This hasn't happened to you for so long - and
Now you are getting what you've strived for,
Were created for and have denied for so long
Because you wanted to be normal and "just an
Accountant" - balancing the books and scales of
Justice financially for everyone else but yourself
When it came to your dreams - there is a price
Attached, of course there is - but it's priceless...
So are the dividends of dreaming and seeing it
Through to realization... thanks be to God!!!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Wrinkle Crack*
I got that feeling I used to get a lot
When I was a kid - it was a feeling of
Hope and excitement - of anticipation and
Utter disbelief in my good luck at the
Fortune that was going to befall me.
Something actually stirred deep in me -
It made me smile genuinely... which
Caused a wrinkle crack to occur like
A parenthesi, on the left side of my mouth.
It is a beautiful mark of accomplishing something
No drug or tryst has ever - deep satisfaction
At the fact that I can see what seems
Unfathomable become a reality.
I'm very excited at the race I have
Signed up to run - it's a long distance
Endurance kind of race, so I hope I can
Maintain the pace of joyfulness I have set
That has begun as a little bonfire in my gut.
Persistence and tenacity will be the fan that
Stokes the flames into not being extinguished.
When I was a kid - it was a feeling of
Hope and excitement - of anticipation and
Utter disbelief in my good luck at the
Fortune that was going to befall me.
Something actually stirred deep in me -
It made me smile genuinely... which
Caused a wrinkle crack to occur like
A parenthesi, on the left side of my mouth.
It is a beautiful mark of accomplishing something
No drug or tryst has ever - deep satisfaction
At the fact that I can see what seems
Unfathomable become a reality.
I'm very excited at the race I have
Signed up to run - it's a long distance
Endurance kind of race, so I hope I can
Maintain the pace of joyfulness I have set
That has begun as a little bonfire in my gut.
Persistence and tenacity will be the fan that
Stokes the flames into not being extinguished.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
This Is It
I gotta get it out.
It seems this is all I have.
I can't afford a shrink so
This is it. This is what
Needs to save me from me.
I am always repeating the themes
That seem natural to write about in
Poetry: love, or the lack of, death
Or dying from lack of love, pain and
The pain of lost love or the lack of love,
Dreams and broken dreams, unrealized
Dreams that haven't been slept on to
Have - must find a reprieve from my
Reverie - revel in its rambunctious
Revelry and round out my rancor with
Randomness and respondency - no
Despondency... it must be the fibro-
Myalgia of my heart that beats the blood
That carries the pain to all of my nerve
Endings in my life - that make even
Reading this painful because nothing will
Result from getting it out and broadcasting
The aches and pains that come from living
In this fallen world - nothing but more
Groping for hope and faith will come in
Torrents, torrentially - yet sheltered from
It by doubt, fear, anger and heart break.
It seems this is all I have.
I can't afford a shrink so
This is it. This is what
Needs to save me from me.
I am always repeating the themes
That seem natural to write about in
Poetry: love, or the lack of, death
Or dying from lack of love, pain and
The pain of lost love or the lack of love,
Dreams and broken dreams, unrealized
Dreams that haven't been slept on to
Have - must find a reprieve from my
Reverie - revel in its rambunctious
Revelry and round out my rancor with
Randomness and respondency - no
Despondency... it must be the fibro-
Myalgia of my heart that beats the blood
That carries the pain to all of my nerve
Endings in my life - that make even
Reading this painful because nothing will
Result from getting it out and broadcasting
The aches and pains that come from living
In this fallen world - nothing but more
Groping for hope and faith will come in
Torrents, torrentially - yet sheltered from
It by doubt, fear, anger and heart break.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Will I Remember?
Will I remember forever?
It's quite a long time.
A place where I go when
I have a bit of time to spend
Reminiscing about that which
I no longer have or have wanted
And still haven't got - a place
Where things don't turn out or
Turn up in a spot of darkness in
The shadow of my mind.
My dream car, my dream house,
My dreams for a family - all gone
With the thoughts that I can't even
Begin to tally... sorrow and sadness
Are ever present sisters who invite
Themselves to tea and spin long
Fantasies of what life was like
Without them: bleak and yet
Bleaker still with them... they're all
I have known it seems for quite a
While - while I while away the seconds of
What I haven't remembered in a memory
Of their 'morrow - don't forget
What you've had - the good that is -
Never forget that before you
Expire: you were strong and bold
Like the flavor of your favorite coffee
Sold as "free trade" as you'd freely trade
Some memories for others just to
Forget what you remembered that
Struck some chords in your memory bank safe -
The combination to which you wish you had forgotten.
It's quite a long time.
A place where I go when
I have a bit of time to spend
Reminiscing about that which
I no longer have or have wanted
And still haven't got - a place
Where things don't turn out or
Turn up in a spot of darkness in
The shadow of my mind.
My dream car, my dream house,
My dreams for a family - all gone
With the thoughts that I can't even
Begin to tally... sorrow and sadness
Are ever present sisters who invite
Themselves to tea and spin long
Fantasies of what life was like
Without them: bleak and yet
Bleaker still with them... they're all
I have known it seems for quite a
While - while I while away the seconds of
What I haven't remembered in a memory
Of their 'morrow - don't forget
What you've had - the good that is -
Never forget that before you
Expire: you were strong and bold
Like the flavor of your favorite coffee
Sold as "free trade" as you'd freely trade
Some memories for others just to
Forget what you remembered that
Struck some chords in your memory bank safe -
The combination to which you wish you had forgotten.
Monday, August 8, 2011
A Pittance of Love*
Sometimes I wonder if this is all there is
A joke God has played to say He did His job
Had me be born to a family that's great and
Then didn't allow me to have my own because
of mistakes and sins I have made even
Though I'm told that's not the way He plays.
I have played dirty and fast and hard with rules.
I have lied and cheated and created a fool in
My mind of myself for believing in lies that are
Posited as faith perhaps in disguise where no one
Can say they're sure of what they hope for and
Certain of what they do not see - see I have been
Staring at the back of the head of hope and the
Possibility that I may someday see the face a few of
The dreams that have not become a reality and
Keep popping up as nightmares or terrors not
Even as I sleep - as I walk around as a zombie from
So many sleepless nights crying my eyes out
Wishing I had decided another way or prayed a
Different prayer or felt I had control of how my
Life has been unfolding - I think I'm in the 3rd act -
That's where the climax is supposed to happen -
The anxiety I have from awaiting the turning point
In my life is causing high blood pressure which is
A knife held and pressed on the pulse that is
My carotid almost ready to be pushed in so the
River of my AB+ life source can flow and
Deliver me to the final act and curtain closing
Called my life... no 4th act - nobody will know,
I won't be missed - no one has attended the show
I have called my swan song and life - was what
I was charging for admission too steep a price?
It only cost a pittance of love and a pinch of
Sweetness... perhaps walking across the threshold
On shattered and scattered broken glass hearts
Was the deterrent - it would have just taken one brave
Was the deterrent - it would have just taken one brave
Janitor to clean up the shards and then who would know...
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Why Do It?*
Getting on line and looking at tabloids.
Why do it?
Often I am left feeling inferior and
Inadequate about some portion of
My life or portion I have.
I'm not thin enough.
I'm not pretty enough.
I'm definitely not rich enough to
Travel in those circles.
Like the social outcast who is
Just trying to survive treading the
Waters of this life and get by, there
Are always constant reminders that
I don't measure up in my measurements -
All numbers mind you created by and
For the opinion of the person who creates and
Wins said opinion poll.
Again, why do we... do I do it?
It certainly doesn't make me feel better
About myself or the state of the Nation of
The numbers that are not in my checking
Account - checking out the facts that that's
Just how it is for some of us... okay,
MOST OF US are not in the tiny number of
Folks who are seemingly superior according to the
Recent Gallup - riding swiftly by on looks and a
Little personality all the way to the bank.
Pull the plug on the internet - plug your ears to
The search engines that are wailing for your
Attention or to get you out of the way to
Pull over so they can get by and leave you in the
Dust of the gutter, the margins of this life, if only
Just in your minds eye or binary code.
Why do it?
Often I am left feeling inferior and
Inadequate about some portion of
My life or portion I have.
I'm not thin enough.
I'm not pretty enough.
I'm definitely not rich enough to
Travel in those circles.
Like the social outcast who is
Just trying to survive treading the
Waters of this life and get by, there
Are always constant reminders that
I don't measure up in my measurements -
All numbers mind you created by and
For the opinion of the person who creates and
Wins said opinion poll.
Again, why do we... do I do it?
It certainly doesn't make me feel better
About myself or the state of the Nation of
The numbers that are not in my checking
Account - checking out the facts that that's
Just how it is for some of us... okay,
MOST OF US are not in the tiny number of
Folks who are seemingly superior according to the
Recent Gallup - riding swiftly by on looks and a
Little personality all the way to the bank.
Pull the plug on the internet - plug your ears to
The search engines that are wailing for your
Attention or to get you out of the way to
Pull over so they can get by and leave you in the
Dust of the gutter, the margins of this life, if only
Just in your minds eye or binary code.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Pounding
Pounding headache aches.
For all it's worth I ache from
The pounding beneath the flesh
That encloses my skull.
I can barely complete this.
But I am on a deadline -
A line I have drawn that I
Must meet even if it kills me.
Why is nothing changing
Except for the intensity level at
Which my brain feels like it
Is trying to force its way
Out of my body through my
Left eye? Crying makes the pain
More insane - and insanity by
Definition is trying to do the
Same thing with different results.
Prince Charming needs to arrive
On his trusty white stallion steed and
Rescue me with a panoply of painkillers.
Then the death of the pain that's trying to
Off me will be sweet and best served cold
Like the revenge it was trying to have upon me and
My mind that simply seeks serenity from the
Invisible knives that plunge into my head
Over and over end not in sight like ocean waves
Crashing on a beached whale being pillaged for
Its blubber to keep eskimos warm in winter.
For all it's worth I ache from
The pounding beneath the flesh
That encloses my skull.
I can barely complete this.
But I am on a deadline -
A line I have drawn that I
Must meet even if it kills me.
Why is nothing changing
Except for the intensity level at
Which my brain feels like it
Is trying to force its way
Out of my body through my
Left eye? Crying makes the pain
More insane - and insanity by
Definition is trying to do the
Same thing with different results.
Prince Charming needs to arrive
On his trusty white stallion steed and
Rescue me with a panoply of painkillers.
Then the death of the pain that's trying to
Off me will be sweet and best served cold
Like the revenge it was trying to have upon me and
My mind that simply seeks serenity from the
Invisible knives that plunge into my head
Over and over end not in sight like ocean waves
Crashing on a beached whale being pillaged for
Its blubber to keep eskimos warm in winter.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Uninspired
These aren't any good lately.
Maybe I should throw in the towel.
No one would know but me and
12 others who don't really notice.
Lack of inspiration is zapping me
Of my strength to care about
Finding my voice and
Getting it heard.
Pulling the plug... on this one...
At least.
Good night words - I hope you
Can find it in yourselves tomorrow
To turn a few good ones out...
Ugh, what's that saying?
See it's gone... or it has gone
On vacation with the rest of the
Fishers.
Maybe I should throw in the towel.
No one would know but me and
12 others who don't really notice.
Lack of inspiration is zapping me
Of my strength to care about
Finding my voice and
Getting it heard.
Pulling the plug... on this one...
At least.
Good night words - I hope you
Can find it in yourselves tomorrow
To turn a few good ones out...
Ugh, what's that saying?
See it's gone... or it has gone
On vacation with the rest of the
Fishers.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
It Just Doesn't Matter
If you feel sad and alone
And you feel like no one cares
You're definitely wrong.
It just doesn't matter
What you feel sometimes...
Feelings aren't facts.
So many care that you're hurting,
Crushed, and bruised and you
Just don't know what to do with
What you're feeling...
Despair has that way about itself.
It will slowly asphyxiate
Its victim to death.
And you feel like no one cares
You're definitely wrong.
It just doesn't matter
What you feel sometimes...
Feelings aren't facts.
So many care that you're hurting,
Crushed, and bruised and you
Just don't know what to do with
What you're feeling...
Despair has that way about itself.
It will slowly asphyxiate
Its victim to death.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Pissed Off
I missed another deadline.
This is lame.
As are a lot of these poems.
I am trying to express and
NOT repress... not be a
HYPOCRITE, but it's hard
When the cards are stacked
Against you and you worry about
EVERYTHING and there seems
To be no end in sight - financially
And otherwise.
Why me? Why like this?
Why am I a tragedy with
An outward projection system
Of comedy... can't let anyone see
The underpinnings... they will
Run and hide behind the barricades
So the shrapnel doesn't come even
Close to abrade their skin... not even
A hint of my negativity - or else
Flesh will get to melting like so much
Agent Orange poured directly on
At close range.
Breathe. That abates the anger.
Only sometimes.
This is lame.
As are a lot of these poems.
I am trying to express and
NOT repress... not be a
HYPOCRITE, but it's hard
When the cards are stacked
Against you and you worry about
EVERYTHING and there seems
To be no end in sight - financially
And otherwise.
Why me? Why like this?
Why am I a tragedy with
An outward projection system
Of comedy... can't let anyone see
The underpinnings... they will
Run and hide behind the barricades
So the shrapnel doesn't come even
Close to abrade their skin... not even
A hint of my negativity - or else
Flesh will get to melting like so much
Agent Orange poured directly on
At close range.
Breathe. That abates the anger.
Only sometimes.
Not So Important
When you're little you love
Your Jack-in-the-Box.
When you get older it doesn't
Mean that much to you and
You let it go.
There are many things that
This happens with.
Your Jack-in-the-Box.
When you get older it doesn't
Mean that much to you and
You let it go.
There are many things that
This happens with.
Monday, August 1, 2011
New Month
I am impressed with being impressed.
Impressed with the impression of newness.
A new month hotter than Hades itself and
Catapulting us closer and closer to
Hades freezing over - OH, don't come to
Our overheated rescue just yet... maybe a little
Dehydration will do us some good -
Get the anti-freeze completely squeezed
out of our systems - all on go! Then
Let us down on the ice and snow banks of
Disappointing weather... again... where
We can build igloos out of dreams of
Hellacious weather - that we know is gonna
Come like a Clockwork Orange and rob us of
Our peace of mind swathed in Northface and
Other extreme gear for the extremities that
Are our weather patterns here.
Impressed with the impression of newness.
A new month hotter than Hades itself and
Catapulting us closer and closer to
Hades freezing over - OH, don't come to
Our overheated rescue just yet... maybe a little
Dehydration will do us some good -
Get the anti-freeze completely squeezed
out of our systems - all on go! Then
Let us down on the ice and snow banks of
Disappointing weather... again... where
We can build igloos out of dreams of
Hellacious weather - that we know is gonna
Come like a Clockwork Orange and rob us of
Our peace of mind swathed in Northface and
Other extreme gear for the extremities that
Are our weather patterns here.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Jealous Much
Oh too much this green-eyed monster
I was born with... right next to me in
My DNA... spiraling out of control -
out of the double helix-ness of it all.
They are this and I want it.
They are that and I want it too.
They draw attention away from
What I want attention from -
Who do they think they are?
That's for me - I thought... wrong again!
UGH! This makes me turn a hue of
CONFUSED and ENRAGED!!
Who do I think I am that I get this
INFLATED sense of entitlement?
Nothing is owed me - I am and have
Been a has been and yet I'm still blessed.
I wanna be a wanna be like the others of
Whom I am so jealous...
Those green-eyes need some contact lenses of
A different color so I can stop seeing red.
I was born with... right next to me in
My DNA... spiraling out of control -
out of the double helix-ness of it all.
They are this and I want it.
They are that and I want it too.
They draw attention away from
What I want attention from -
Who do they think they are?
That's for me - I thought... wrong again!
UGH! This makes me turn a hue of
CONFUSED and ENRAGED!!
Who do I think I am that I get this
INFLATED sense of entitlement?
Nothing is owed me - I am and have
Been a has been and yet I'm still blessed.
I wanna be a wanna be like the others of
Whom I am so jealous...
Those green-eyes need some contact lenses of
A different color so I can stop seeing red.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Love
I hesitate to do this...
A love poem.
How cliche, and trite and lame.
Who cares about love.
I'm down on love!
It's stupid... Love and love poems.
All those butterflies trying to thrive off
The pollen of emotions in your stomach
When you see their smile or hear their laugh
The gooseflesh when they brush pass even if
They don't know you exist - their existence makes
You feel more alive more more
Extra alert to everyone else being filled with life
Life becoming 5-D and then they say your name and
Your head almost explodes and everything is magnified
You think you can walk on water and in the clouds and
Talk to animals because you're that in touch with the Universe -
The Universal feeling and craziness that is love.
Ain't that a hoot!?
A love poem.
How cliche, and trite and lame.
Who cares about love.
I'm down on love!
It's stupid... Love and love poems.
All those butterflies trying to thrive off
The pollen of emotions in your stomach
When you see their smile or hear their laugh
The gooseflesh when they brush pass even if
They don't know you exist - their existence makes
You feel more alive more more
Extra alert to everyone else being filled with life
Life becoming 5-D and then they say your name and
Your head almost explodes and everything is magnified
You think you can walk on water and in the clouds and
Talk to animals because you're that in touch with the Universe -
The Universal feeling and craziness that is love.
Ain't that a hoot!?
Knock Down, Drag Out, FIGHT!
Keep going
G o i n g
Keep running
R u n n i n g
Keep your chin up
S m i l e
Challenges can knock you down
They are the glue that makes you you
And they create a person with a backbone of steel and resolve
Be resolved to get up when you're knocked around and down and
Fight
F I G H T
F I G H T!
G o i n g
Keep running
R u n n i n g
Keep your chin up
S m i l e
Challenges can knock you down
They are the glue that makes you you
And they create a person with a backbone of steel and resolve
Be resolved to get up when you're knocked around and down and
Fight
F I G H T
F I G H T!
Thursday, July 28, 2011
More Drama 4 Yer Mama!
Front and center, center stage
Downstage center -
HIT YOUR MARK!
ANNUNCIATE!
PROJECT!
The blue-hairs in the back
GOTTA HEAR YOU!
And curtain
And remember your cues and
Pick up the pace and
Stop letting semis drive through
Your pauses - pausing in the
Spot light to wonder and figure
And question your motives;
What is your motivation to
Take the stage, to take on
Something else that pushes you
In the direction of more rejection.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!
This isn't right and that isn't right and
You're just not right for the part.
Which part? The part called my life?
I struggle to be directed and be told
What to do, with my life - hit your mark,
Communicate, BREATHE life into that
Character - that character is me!
I need this, I want this, I want this -
I need this like a bullet in my head OR
A winning lottery ticket?
Hurry up and wait and wait and wait and
Put it off to do for others... and others do
It to you and your mind and your heart goes
Through the rigors of mortis of not following
Your dreams and deeming yourself a failure.
No more - I will move in the direction of
My dreams, even though they have been
Quite nightmarish - and succeed at being that
Character only I know - me, fully, truly,
Authentically me - front and center, center stage,
Downstage center in my life...
And scene.
NEXT!
Downstage center -
HIT YOUR MARK!
ANNUNCIATE!
PROJECT!
The blue-hairs in the back
GOTTA HEAR YOU!
And curtain
And remember your cues and
Pick up the pace and
Stop letting semis drive through
Your pauses - pausing in the
Spot light to wonder and figure
And question your motives;
What is your motivation to
Take the stage, to take on
Something else that pushes you
In the direction of more rejection.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!
This isn't right and that isn't right and
You're just not right for the part.
Which part? The part called my life?
I struggle to be directed and be told
What to do, with my life - hit your mark,
Communicate, BREATHE life into that
Character - that character is me!
I need this, I want this, I want this -
I need this like a bullet in my head OR
A winning lottery ticket?
Hurry up and wait and wait and wait and
Put it off to do for others... and others do
It to you and your mind and your heart goes
Through the rigors of mortis of not following
Your dreams and deeming yourself a failure.
No more - I will move in the direction of
My dreams, even though they have been
Quite nightmarish - and succeed at being that
Character only I know - me, fully, truly,
Authentically me - front and center, center stage,
Downstage center in my life...
And scene.
NEXT!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)