Bulges

There's nothing like rejection to make
One feel fat and ugly... oh, wait
That occurs when I sit in a particularly
Plastic folding chair where the seat
Cuts into the fat and cellulite of my
Thighs whilst I cross my legs at
My ankles, like a lady, where I
Feel the blubber around my bulbous
Knees protrude to hitting each other
Vying for my attention - shouting,
"It's time to hit the gym not that
Bag of Krispy Kreme Donuts,"
"Take off your Spanx because you
Need to be spanked for disobeying
Your conscience!"
My chubby knees high-five each other
After they think they've done some-
Thing noble like getting my attention.
Then the Spanx body shaper takes a
Roll down my core that's ripply and
I abhor - saying something about,
"Who does she think she is having me
Hold her in place all day like this...
That's it I'm done with her - I'm headed
South." And that's where Ms. Spanx went -
Right down to the fold at my bellybutton.
My bellybutton kept her mouth buttoned up,
Thank God! Oh, nevermind Ms. Spanx was
Acting as a gag so Bellybutton couldn't say
A thing even if she wanted to!
So I pried Ms. Spanx off and chucked her
In the corner where she spitefully spat,
"Nobody puts Baby in the corner -
You'll come back!"

And she was right - after the roll on my back
Talked back to me I went waddling to her for
Moral support.