I do not profess to be John Donne or Emily Dickinson with regards to death... it's not fickle like fame, which Ms. Dickinson proclaimed. What I do believe is that Death, death, however you choose to regard it - formally, informally, with respect or not - it happens... to all of us. Why then is it scary? It's the ONLY guarantee we have in this life... so are we afraid because of the perception that we will not accomplish what we set out to do in our life time? That our lives will not amount to anything or anyone, mostly ourselves? OR are we afraid that because not everyone knows how or when they'll die (I say this because some folks with terminal illnesses know that they will die because of their illness) we are afraid of the unknown - that Death, or death, will take us unawares in the middle of some great project, or idea, or relationship, or movie, or commercial break?
I am afraid of the unknown. Right now I feel I'm gonna die from lack of funds... okay, maybe from being humiliatingly incapable of being able to find a job with my educational standing. I'm over-educated and unemployable. But, death seems to come in various forms, at various times, without invitation because it's the only thing that is given an open door to anyone, anywhere at any time... regardless of educational background, race, social or employment status, and amount of funds in the bank account.
Death's sting stings. It hurts to lose someone we love regardless of their age... it hurts to lose. Death is a game we can never win and aren't even really allowed to play without losing. People have beat the odds in some instances, but again, we all know that Death ultimately has the final say over EVERYONE, and previous odd beaters will succumb to the inevitable. Maybe there should be some solace in this... maybe. And maybe there just isn't. Because at the end of the day, or the end of our lives and those we love, we all seem to end up feeling like we didn't get to do or say or be something that Death has and will rob us of, making the end so definitive.
So why the tears and the heart ache? Is it outlined in the above? Is it merely from losing something we didn't quite grasp or give our all to... a project, a person, a place - ALL the nouns that we didn't give apt adjectives to because we were so busy being self-involved missing out on what would end up being permanently missed out on? Missing out on that which can not come back with a drop of a quarter in the slot to play again? Game over... before we began... we learned the inevitability of the formal assured promise of Death's arrival to everyone and everything we have ever known... and it sucks... and I can't figure out why since I know full well that it approaches and lurks around awaiting to take our hands and souls for a walk to the other side... maybe that's just Death's job and some other entity does the processing.
Well Death, I have not enjoyed your presence in my life. I ask that you stop trying to be so coy behind your sooty black hoodie and show us another face - one that promotes peace and the welcome invitation you so desire being shunned by all us mortals because of your immortality and job description.
