Caught Up*

I caught my breath -
It was up to no good
Holding back its expression -
Finally, I was able to
Catch it by surprise and
It surprised me by releasing
Itself through multiple orifices!

Finally, I caught my breath and
It felt good - warm and gentle
Coming and going through
My nostrils - soft and sweet
Like a baby wrapped in a flannel
Receiving blanket receiving the
Attention it so needed after
Being held in for so long -
AAAHHHHH, yes - freedom!

Stinky Feet*

Man do they ever stink
My feet - if they had noses
They would tell each other
To go take a shower.
I guess I could walk them to
The bathroom and subject them to
The water torture of too low pressure -
But what good would that do -
They'd just rebel tomorrow
Stepping into their fetid
Tomb of shoes - walking away
Right and left leaving a carbon imprint
Upon the olfactory organs of their owner and
Wherever they have trod.

Dreams

I dreamt I was in a musical with
Teachers I teach with at a high school
I didn't recognize - I didn't recognize
The teachers either... and my hair was
Thin and variegated - neither of which
Is the case, too! And they were trying
To teach me the songs at the same time
As showing me the ropes...

I woke up singing the song - it was
Lovely. I wish I could remember it and
The high school too.. maybe they're
Hiring!

Hey There!

Gotta meet the deadline time!

Vanilla Bean

I have been observed to
Smell like vanilla
All white people smell
This way... just kidding.
Someone believed me.
Bless her heart.

5 Husbands...

I have 5 husbands
One for every day of the week
And NONE for the weekend...
I need the weekends to myself!

Motivation

What do you do whens't you're extremely tired?
Tired of the grind - tired of your monkey mind,
Jumping from one fire that needs dousing to
The next - where does the strength really come from
To extinguish the flames that burn and chap your hide?
God is not dormant, not absent, but omniscient and
Yet - and yet - there is something aching - a
Cavernous space 3 inches below your larynx -
Not necessarily that specific or ever in that physical
Geographic locale - but a chasm that yearns for
Filling with comfort, security and peace - that seems to
Elude the all-knowing God that knows just what
You need to do in the times when you don't know -
And have not discerned how to discern the answer to
Choose or follow...
So you skip a rock across this canyon where the stone
Indubitably free falls echoing all the way down to the
Ground where gravity has guided it... as you fall you
Scream - this release releases a torrential wave of
Relief, which creates a tsunami of pent up emotions to
Erupt in a volcano of hilarity - laughter and tears,
At the same time, choking on both - joy feels fleeting,
Promising, invigorating, encouraging enough so that
You climb back up from that rugged valley, swing on the
Monkey bars of your mind, and sail through the air
Skipping like a stone across the water of your
Heart to find a little more motivation to continue
Your quest in life even though you're exhausted and
Sometimes just don't get God's answers.

I Am Brilliant

I am brilliant.
Ever just stop and tell yourself
Something that is hard to believe
Because the world likes to
Tell you otherwise on a
Billboard or magazine cover?
I am brilliant.
I care about the air I breathe and
The air I share with the people
I love and I love a lot and I love
Long and without caution -
There is duct tape found around my
Heart where it is held together from
Being so reckless with my
Brilliance - shining before all men
And women - bowing and scraping
Together a living to continue to
Bow and scrape a living together
Before an audience who will
Bow before my brilliance or
Cover their eyes from the glare -
I want no despair from those who
Find something applaudable in me -
I want what I give out, back -
Gratitude, awe, love and kindness -
Genuine niceness, friendliness -
Something few people find in those
Who know they should tell themselves
More often, "I am brilliant."

Conglomeration*

There are two sides to a coin
There are two sides to me...
There may be many other sides;
I've lost count - each facet fascinates
My imagination while it takes a
Tour of the terrain of my mental
Landscape - all the peaks and valleys
All the slopes and curves - nothing
Is hidden, nor uncovered - nothing
Heavy or light - sound enters and
Exits, gets trapped and is expelled
Through a gentle sigh or a breath
Gathered over the top lip and through
The nose rushing over the brain to
Soothe the rough edges of my mind
With the slow closing of my eyes
Resting the top lids upon the bottom
Lashes lacing together like fingers in
Holding hands, intertwining - rolling
Eyeballs under thin flesh until all that's
Seen is the inside of my eyelid - pink,
Dark gray with muted shapes of light
Etched on them from staring at it...
Then it's gone when I'm awakened -
All the sides are integrated and I
Become one whole of many...
A conglomeration of much.

Re-Visitation

I keep ending up in this situation:
Unhappy, displaced, just getting by.
I am marginalized by marginalizing
My pain as unnecessary or self-
Indulgent - maybe it is... maybe I
Am in pain - even if it's psychic -
When I don't know from my ESP
Which way to go or how long this
Mess will last... I just gotta get out of
This - dungeon of anger and bitterness -
It defiles many and mostly just me.
This too familiar visitor revisits me
Way too often...

Urgent Haste*

I miss the childhood I rushed to
Grow up

And I wish I could
Slow down, rewind, retreat,
Retract, rescind upon the brakes that
Have failed in doing their job to stop
The tricycle I feverishly pedaled to
The corner where the ice cream man
Faithfully delivered sweet cream memories of
Childhood that melted and ran down my arms and
Hands into the hands of the friends I would
Clutch, and squeeze in order to remember their
Soft faces of innocence held in the grimy mind
Of my memory bank clouded up from the ever
Careening out of the trajectory I can not divert
Away from...

I rushed to grow up

Only to want to slow and grow down - this
Urgent haste... such a waste.

Never Cease

"Dreams deferred make the heart sick,
But a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."
Proverbs 13:12

When the roots get sick the tree will die.
Miracles "are the clear signs of God's action,"
He can resurrect a person and a tree -
He can give breath of life and He can snatch it
Leaving just a shell of a person, the bark of a tree -
Lacking animation the channel turns to
What is moving along outside the window -
Catches our attention and distracts us just
Long enough to forget our dreams are
Going unfulfilled, un-pursued, un-realized, not
Dreamed upon or nurtured - full and filling
Is how I want to feel from the feast of faith
I partake in when my longings are fulfilled.

Miracles never cease.

Dislike...

I don't like some people:
Unjust, bitchy people
Really chap my hide.

Unmerciful servants,
those are the ones...
I've been one, but I've
Encountered the wrath of
Sooooo many more.

Injustice in life bites and
I'm the butt its fangs keep
Chomping into.

Fly Girls

To be the change you want to see in the world
Sometimes you gotta get outta the way...
MOVE! Get out the way! Get out the way!
Get out the way!
MOOOOOOVVVEEEE!!!!!
I did this for a friend and now she's soaring
High - dancing on clouds and in her element
She let me help her get there with the catapult
Of including her in my path that was her
Path too - we just take/have different gaits,
Rhythms, paths...

*Mirror Change

Look in the mirror, see what
Needs to be changed and
Change it...

Fat feet - puffy, fluffy -
Strangely billowing out over the
Sides of her sandals - she can
Do nothing to change these
Freakish appendages to her
Feet - they are large enough to
Perhaps - walk on water -
It seems they may be a blessing to
Have feet the size of a bear's



The * on this title means it's a work in progress. I don't feel it's done to my liking yet.

Crushed

Grapes turn to wine
Lemons to lemonade
Coal to diamonds
Tree pulp to paper, so
Why is that when my
Heart gets crushed it
Does not turn into
Anything but a heap of
Splintery shards -
Nothing useful or
Tasty, just painful
Chambers and vessels that
Transport blood to keep
Me living with the memories
That resurface each time
It gets crushed?

DUSTY SHAMROCK

Who is the lucky one?
The one who finds something lucky or
The something lucky that's found?

Four-legged, furry, forgotten on
Someone's back-door-step with
Eyes the color of a shamrock

Skulking about without a whimper or
Purr to his mane - too afraid to be
Held or petted, and yet he still remains

Attached to the back-door with hope
Even in the change that whisks him
Away to be fixed up and accounted for

He couldn't behave - confined the way
He was and who would've really blamed him,
He was spared in so many ways and so

He returns to the back-door-stoop everyday
With faith in his shamrock green eyes that
He will be cared for as dusty as his mane and

Name are - it was lucky he was found -
He was lucky - we are lucky to have found him -
The something lucky that's found - lucky all around.

Eggs and Shells

I wanna feel like I have a place -
A place to spread my wings,
My limbs, my mind - expand
My lungs - to breathe easy,
Easier than walking on eggshells
Around the queens and princesses that
I'm subject to - and yet I am grateful to be
In their court - to have a chamber
To call home... but I want more!
Is that ingratitude?

The mold, mustiness and mildew
Of my "chamber" dungeon is
Creating headaches - my head aches to
Think, to dream, to imagine more than
What's all around me in the four walls of
The cell I occupy - break free from this -
Run, jog, maybe just walk since my
Muscles have atrophied and I don't know
If they could withstand the discipline of
Being used for more than just support.

Supported by the perfume that masks
The reality of the pain the headaches
Cause from that masking perfume.
Nothing stinks more than phoniness.

I hold court with queens and princesses and
We're all phony from not speaking the truth
About what stinks and give us headaches...
Walking on eggs and their shells.

Awashed

Waves crash and crush,
Waves can be crested on -
Supported and carried to the
Shore of comfort and warmth
You rise to the occasion of gratitude -
This attitude is transformative
Washing you with rivulets of seaspray
Splashed on your face awaking you to
New sensations that bathe you in
Awe and wonder you hope never end.

Pinch Me Awake

I need a pinch to bring me back to reality!
Am I really here at this AMAZING pinnacle?
I can't seem to believe that I have been brought
Back to the land of the blessed - I never really
Left, nor was I exiled - I just kept ducking into
Caves to hide from the heavy responsibility that
Comes with favor - It's frightening sometimes and you
Don't want to hurt other peoples' feelings or
Make anyone feel bad about themselves - but
This is speculative co-dependancy rearing
Its ugly head stopping you from doing you and
Breathing and soaring high on the high of
Moving in the right direction - the direction of
Your dreams that seemed more like nightmares
From their inaccessibility - but the stretching to
Reach out and grasp them was good for your spine -
It strengthened and put steel in it - to persevere and
Push pass what others' think or opinionate on
You - being busy bodies only in your mind since
You can't hear what is being said in someone
Elses' mind - they aren't even thinking as much
About you as you are about them - fearing that
Your gratitude and joy is a burden and a blight
That will be a constant reminder of what
Someone else doesn't have but wants - like
This hasn't happened to you for so long - and
Now you are getting what you've strived for,
Were created for and have denied for so long
Because you wanted to be normal and "just an
Accountant" - balancing the books and scales of
Justice financially for everyone else but yourself
When it came to your dreams - there is a price
Attached, of course there is - but it's priceless...
So are the dividends of dreaming and seeing it
Through to realization... thanks be to God!!!

Wrinkle Crack*

I got that feeling I used to get a lot
When I was a kid - it was a feeling of
Hope and excitement - of anticipation and
Utter disbelief in my good luck at the
Fortune that was going to befall me.

Something actually stirred deep in me -
It made me smile genuinely... which
Caused a wrinkle crack to occur like
A parenthesi, on the left side of my mouth.

It is a beautiful mark of accomplishing something
No drug or tryst has ever - deep satisfaction
At the fact that I can see what seems
Unfathomable become a reality.

I'm very excited at the race I have
Signed up to run - it's a long distance
Endurance kind of race, so I hope I can
Maintain the pace of joyfulness I have set
That has begun as a little bonfire in my gut.

Persistence and tenacity will be the fan that
Stokes the flames into not being extinguished.

This Is It

I gotta get it out.
It seems this is all I have.
I can't afford a shrink so
This is it. This is what
Needs to save me from me.

I am always repeating the themes
That seem natural to write about in
Poetry: love, or the lack of, death
Or dying from lack of love, pain and
The pain of lost love or the lack of love,
Dreams and broken dreams, unrealized
Dreams that haven't been slept on to
Have - must find a reprieve from my
Reverie - revel in its rambunctious
Revelry and round out my rancor with
Randomness and respondency - no
Despondency... it must be the fibro-
Myalgia of my heart that beats the blood
That carries the pain to all of my nerve
Endings in my life - that make even
Reading this painful because nothing will
Result from getting it out and broadcasting
The aches and pains that come from living
In this fallen world - nothing but more
Groping for hope and faith will come in
Torrents, torrentially - yet sheltered from
It by doubt, fear, anger and heart break.

Will I Remember?

Will I remember forever?
It's quite a long time.
A place where I go when
I have a bit of time to spend
Reminiscing about that which
I no longer have or have wanted
And still haven't got - a place
Where things don't turn out or
Turn up in a spot of darkness in
The shadow of my mind.
My dream car, my dream house,
My dreams for a family - all gone
With the thoughts that I can't even
Begin to tally... sorrow and sadness
Are ever present sisters who invite
Themselves to tea and spin long
Fantasies of what life was like
Without them: bleak and yet
Bleaker still with them... they're all
I have known it seems for quite a
While - while I while away the seconds of
What I haven't remembered in a memory
Of their 'morrow - don't forget
What you've had - the good that is -
Never forget that before you
Expire: you were strong and bold
Like the flavor of your favorite coffee
Sold as "free trade" as you'd freely trade
Some memories for others just to
Forget what you remembered that
Struck some chords in your memory bank safe -
The combination to which you wish you had forgotten.

A Pittance of Love*

Sometimes I wonder if this is all there is

A joke God has played to say He did His job

Had me be born to a family that's great and

Then didn't allow me to have my own because

of mistakes and sins I have made even

Though I'm told that's not the way He plays.

I have played dirty and fast and hard with rules.

I have lied and cheated and created a fool in

My mind of myself for believing in lies that are

Posited as faith perhaps in disguise where no one

Can say they're sure of what they hope for and

Certain of what they do not see - see I have been

Staring at the back of the head of hope and the

Possibility that I may someday see the face a few of

The dreams that have not become a reality and

Keep popping up as nightmares or terrors not

Even as I sleep - as I walk around as a zombie from

So many sleepless nights crying my eyes out

Wishing I had decided another way or prayed a

Different prayer or felt I had control of how my

Life has been unfolding - I think I'm in the 3rd act -

That's where the climax is supposed to happen -

The anxiety I have from awaiting the turning point

In my life is causing high blood pressure which is

A knife held and pressed on the pulse that is

My carotid almost ready to be pushed in so the

River of my AB+ life source can flow and

Deliver me to the final act and curtain closing

Called my life... no 4th act - nobody will know,

I won't be missed - no one has attended the show

I have called my swan song and life - was what

I was charging for admission too steep a price?

It only cost a pittance of love and a pinch of

Sweetness... perhaps walking across the threshold

On shattered and scattered broken glass hearts
Was the deterrent - it would have just taken one brave

Janitor to clean up the shards and then who would know...

Why Do It?*

Getting on line and looking at tabloids.
Why do it?
Often I am left feeling inferior and
Inadequate about some portion of
My life or portion I have.

I'm not thin enough.
I'm not pretty enough.
I'm definitely not rich enough to
Travel in those circles.
Like the social outcast who is
Just trying to survive treading the
Waters of this life and get by, there
Are always constant reminders that
I don't measure up in my measurements -
All numbers mind you created by and
For the opinion of the person who creates and
Wins said opinion poll.

Again, why do we... do I do it?
It certainly doesn't make me feel better
About myself or the state of the Nation of
The numbers that are not in my checking
Account - checking out the facts that that's
Just how it is for some of us... okay,
MOST OF US are not in the tiny number of
Folks who are seemingly superior according to the
Recent Gallup - riding swiftly by on looks and a
Little personality all the way to the bank.

Pull the plug on the internet - plug your ears to
The search engines that are wailing for your
Attention or to get you out of the way to
Pull over so they can get by and leave you in the
Dust of the gutter, the margins of this life, if only
Just in your minds eye or binary code.

Pounding

Pounding headache aches.
For all it's worth I ache from
The pounding beneath the flesh
That encloses my skull.

I can barely complete this.
But I am on a deadline -
A line I have drawn that I
Must meet even if it kills me.

Why is nothing changing
Except for the intensity level at
Which my brain feels like it
Is trying to force its way

Out of my body through my
Left eye? Crying makes the pain
More insane - and insanity by
Definition is trying to do the

Same thing with different results.
Prince Charming needs to arrive
On his trusty white stallion steed and
Rescue me with a panoply of painkillers.

Then the death of the pain that's trying to
Off me will be sweet and best served cold
Like the revenge it was trying to have upon me and
My mind that simply seeks serenity from the

Invisible knives that plunge into my head
Over and over end not in sight like ocean waves
Crashing on a beached whale being pillaged for
Its blubber to keep eskimos warm in winter.

Uninspired

These aren't any good lately.
Maybe I should throw in the towel.
No one would know but me and
12 others who don't really notice.

Lack of inspiration is zapping me
Of my strength to care about
Finding my voice and
Getting it heard.

Pulling the plug... on this one...
At least.

Good night words - I hope you
Can find it in yourselves tomorrow
To turn a few good ones out...

Ugh, what's that saying?

See it's gone... or it has gone
On vacation with the rest of the
Fishers.

It Just Doesn't Matter

If you feel sad and alone
And you feel like no one cares
You're definitely wrong.

It just doesn't matter
What you feel sometimes...
Feelings aren't facts.

So many care that you're hurting,
Crushed, and bruised and you
Just don't know what to do with

What you're feeling...
Despair has that way about itself.
It will slowly asphyxiate

Its victim to death.

Pissed Off

I missed another deadline.
This is lame.
As are a lot of these poems.
I am trying to express and
NOT repress... not be a
HYPOCRITE, but it's hard
When the cards are stacked
Against you and you worry about
EVERYTHING and there seems
To be no end in sight - financially
And otherwise.

Why me? Why like this?
Why am I a tragedy with
An outward projection system
Of comedy... can't let anyone see
The underpinnings... they will
Run and hide behind the barricades
So the shrapnel doesn't come even
Close to abrade their skin... not even
A hint of my negativity - or else
Flesh will get to melting like so much
Agent Orange poured directly on
At close range.

Breathe. That abates the anger.
Only sometimes.

Not So Important

When you're little you love
Your Jack-in-the-Box.
When you get older it doesn't
Mean that much to you and
You let it go.

There are many things that
This happens with.

New Month

I am impressed with being impressed.
Impressed with the impression of newness.
A new month hotter than Hades itself and
Catapulting us closer and closer to
Hades freezing over - OH, don't come to
Our overheated rescue just yet... maybe a little
Dehydration will do us some good -
Get the anti-freeze completely squeezed
out of our systems - all on go! Then
Let us down on the ice and snow banks of
Disappointing weather... again... where
We can build igloos out of dreams of
Hellacious weather - that we know is gonna
Come like a Clockwork Orange and rob us of
Our peace of mind swathed in Northface and
Other extreme gear for the extremities that
Are our weather patterns here.