Why Is It?

Why is it that even at my age
I still feel every bit as insecure and
Uncool as I did when I was 12?

I have, or so I thought, amazing ideas
But they dissipate like the precipitation
On my top lip as I break a sweat trying to
Formulate some clever retort to my
Increasing insecurity regarding
Every area of my life... This happens,
It seems, after great successes have occurred
In my life - it's almost like my life does
Not know how to process something
Positive happening - so it tries to find ways to
Sabotage all the other incredible things
That are trying to wriggle their way in to
The corners of my mouth in order to
Create a smile which burns a hole like a laser
Through the ugliness that is trying to suffocate
Any happiness out of me.