Choose me...

Once upon a Friday night I was sitting on a stoop-ish thing in front of a building on Chicago Ave., in Chicago with a girlfriend who was so wounded in the heart that she couldn't even get tears to cry! I felt her pain. I have been there many times. I almost cried for, or with, her on a few occasions during our time on the stoop... but I didn't shed any tears either.

What she was going through brought up so many memories of me and men I have "loved" before... I wrote "loved" because I am discovering I don't love men... I lust after them and when the luster has worn off I'm on to the next shiny object of my lustful desires. Sometimes I feel man-ish in this regard. Men seem to be like that - perhaps it's stereotypical, but it's typical just the same for a lot of men... they rove, their eyes wander and therefore so do their hearts.

Sometimes I question God. "God, what is wrong with me that men don't seem to like me for more than a buddy? What am I doing wrong?" But then I'm reminded that I don't give them a chance because I am struggling with liking them for longer than a mental-fantasy-boyfriend-in-my-head-okay-the-fifteen-minutes-of-fame-in-our-relationship-is-over NEXT!! dealio... and I wonder why and question God like He's the problem I can't keep a man around longer than a fling and a stroll in the park/roll in the hay...

So here we were, two beautiful women sitting on a cement curb that was protruding from a storefront on a busy street in Chicago and many good looking men, and dating couples were walking by. Some looked at us, most looked at her... she's stunning. I'm cute... She was not able to cry and I was on the verge... Then I remembered a quote from a television show, Grey's Anatomy, I think, where, I believe Meredith Grey says to Dr. McDreamy, "...choose me... pick me..." and I felt kicked in the gut and heart because here's my beautiful friend trying to figure out why God has dealt her another painful blow in her love life, and I am thinking, "if she can't get a man to want to commit to her for the long haul and she's a stunner with so many other redeeming qualities besides beauty," what's gonna happen to me?" It seems the pattern keeps repeating itself: I meet a guy. I like him, he doesn't like me or he likes one of my many friends. I meet another guy. He likes me, I don't like him. I meet another guy... we like each other... for a short time... and one of us stops the liking and moves on.

I sat there and someone I have had a secret crush on said something to me I feel will only result in me being crushed by him because I believe he likes the stunner and I had to suck it up because I was there for my friend, the stunner,  who was dealing with a broken heart... and I feel my broken heart is
(im)pending with this new guy I have a crush on... but like a house on the market, even though it's a horrid market, and everything is about "location location location", I still feel like I'm prime real estate in a great location and would really like a man to "choose me... pick me..." so we can sit on a stoop together and I can cry over things on his shoulder while people walk past admiring us... ya know, curb appeal.

I want a relationship with a man because I don't want to spend another Friday night in the city with a person of the same sex on a stoop almost crying over someone of the opposite sex!

God please send someone to "CHOOSE ME... PICK ME... " sooner than later!! I'm tired of the heart break and ache.

DISCLAIMER: Equal Opportunity Employer of Dateable Dudes. Men must be confident, financially stable, educated, well-traveled (and would like to travel more), potty trained, taller than me (not hard to do), fun, forgiving, humble, and a Christian. All others need not apply.