Dreams Realized...

I have had the fortunate luxury of having some of my dreams come true... but what do you do when they have "come true," or, "come to pass," or, "come to fruition?" 

There is something viscerally satisfying about the struggle of pursuing a dream that seems to wane upon realization... it seems to settle down into your toes like a fungal infection that goes undetected for a while... or maybe not... that's too dramatic.

It's just simply sweet to have a dream realized... perhaps the painful part is figuring out what to do when you have a dream realized. For instance, when I was 16 or 17, I saw my first dream car. It was what looked to me like a miniature Jaguar... what I discovered about this little classic car is that it was a 1966 122 S Volvo Amazon. What I didn't realize was how rare they had become at that fragile time of my teenaged years when everything was important and shaped who I'd become (eventually) after treading the shallow waters of the baby pool that was my adolescence. 

When I look back at this precious dream realized, I see that I was just as stubborn and hearty, as the body of this dream car I lusted for for sooooooo long. The 122 S Volvo Amazon is the reason Volvo has its reputation today for being the safest car on the road and having never seen a dead person pulled from the wreckage of one... I, on the other hand, have been unable to avoid accidents in their varied forms: car, heart, clothing, social, etc. I have, however, been able to survive these collisions because of my sturdy frame... but, back to the car...

The day I saw my first classic Volvo, it was over. I searched high and low for one of my own and whenever my little eye would spy one of these beauties I would squeal and guffaw and visibly salivate almost to the point of choking! The day I was able to take a test drive, actually sit in the passenger seat of the 4-speed dream running on 12-volts, I was beside myself. I was even more beside myself when my parents decided we could not afford it for my first car. That was okay. I couldn't drive stick at the time... so when I was blessed with my first car, a 1972 baby-blue VW Beetle, I learned quickly (all by myself) how to drive stick and then it only took me a measlely 15 years (after seeing my first classic Volvo) to FINALLY get my own 1967 122 S Volvo Amazon.

I drove Beepy Vuh-Leep, named for its penchant for beeping intermittently on its own, randomly and usually at awkward moments where hot men were sitting in their not-as-cool-cars at a stop light with us - perhaps to keep me humble - but I drove her till she decided she didn't like being driven and just wanted to sit in the driveway and watch as the other younger, newer models drove by with their precious cargo on board... I think she was trying to kill me at some points because the gas fumes that leaked would get to me. That is when I discovered Beepy was sick. She needed a lot of work like any antique that needed restoring... or any dream that has been deferred for a while... and so she saw her share of mechanics. She was blessed with many specialists, so usually their diagnosis of Beepy was not as bleak as how she responded when she was released from their care. 

At times it felt like Beepy didn't want to be with me in the driveway of our home, but on her own in an assisted care facility where she could relate to other classic Volvos! I didn't want to let her go... ever! And I didn't. Perhaps like a negligent family member, I ignored her cries for freedom to roam to another garage where she would have undoubtedly found more pleasant pastures. But there was something in me that thought I could help her. I could save her. I didn't have the ability or the technology; she would not become the Bionic Woman or the 6 Million Dollar Man VOLVO! She would become the hood ornament of my youth. A reminder of how I pursued a dream and didn't let go until it was realized and how it hurts to not see a dream realized right away and sometimes hurts more when it is realized and unable to be kept alive on your own gumption!

I was merely the second owner of my baby... my DREAM car... my California black license plated, 4-door, 4-speed, original 33lbs. of  ivory paint, 12-volt, 122 S Volvo Amazon. I felt so cool driving around town in her... sometimes scared when it felt like her brakes were going to fail, but cool nonetheless during a time in life where nothing seemed nor felt cool... and I'm not talking about my teens... remember I didn't get my "dream" car till 15 years after I saw my first one... I'm talking about my 30's...

Let's steer away from that for a moment. I will revisit my 30's on here at a later date. I want to continue to wax nostalgic on my dream car I had for a few years... yes, only a few years were had with the beauty, otherwise known as: Beepy Vuh-Leep, because as of a few weeks ago she went to her 3rd and final home. Let's hope it's her final home/resting place where she will be pampered and restored to her former glory... something I couldn't afford and didn't account for when I initially invested in her. Sometimes you don't realize what it takes to realize and, I guess, maintain a dream... but someone else may... and I hope it's this 3rd owner.

Knowing I will no longer have my dream car feels a little bitter and sweet. Sweet that I was blessed to realize a dream, bitter that it had to be let go. Yes, it was just a car with 33 lbs. of lead-based paint, but I didn't eat any of the paint so I'm still alive to attest to the fact that dreams can come true... even if it takes a while and you don't get to keep them forever... the memories will forever stay alive in my mind and on my flashdrive through megapixels and jpegs.